SNL Transcripts: Michael Phelps: 09/13/08: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 1

08a: Michael Phelps / Lil Wayne

An SNL Digital Short

Alien…..Andy Samberg
Extras…..Casey Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Michael Phelps

[open on title screen: “An SNL Digital Short”]

Reach for the stars!
Woah! Yeah!

You stand on a distant planet
Skyline of red plateaus
Strange air and vegetation
You’re a Winner!
Welcome to the Space Olympics
The year 3022
Take part in a grand tradition
Your name echoes in the halls of the universe!

Oh ho ho!
Yeah yeah!
Believe in yourself!
Take your game into outer space!

Every single galactic athlete
Needs a coded ID badge
Drug tests are mandatory
You’re a Winner!
the athletes village is on zargon
You all get a junior suite
We don’t cover incidentals
So keep your ass out the minibar!

You’re the best in the world!
Brace yourself cause there’s no gravity!
You’re in the mother(bleep)in’ Space Olympics!

Let it be known by every nation
You’ll only get one meal a day
There was a bit of a budget snafu
And food funding is insuffcient
We can’t really enforce the curfew
As there is no light or sound
Just one of the many problems
With hosting a sporting event in space

Attention all athletes
There are minor scheduling adjustments

Space Disk
Is totally cancelled
Space Swords
Is totally cancelled
Space Luge
Is also canceled
And all are events are pending

Welcome to your Space Olympics
All the oxygen has run out
And someone who will not be named
Accidently hit Self Destruct
As you file to your escape pods
I’ll distract the alien hordes
And as I stare death in the face
I know my sins will take me to Hell

You do it for the love
My love
And there ain’t no woman that can take your spot, my love.”

Submitted by: Forevahomieg

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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