SNL Transcripts: Michael Phelps: 09/13/08: T-Mobile

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 1

08a: Michael Phelps / Lil Wayne

T-Mobile

Michael….Jason Sudeikis
Derrick….Michael Phelps
Amanda….Kristen Wiig
Derrick’s sister….Casey Wilson

[Opens with a house at night. Cut into the dining room. They’ve finished dinner. A couple of teens sit at the table with their parents. Dad reads a paper]

Mom: So, did you kids pick who’s gonna be in your five?

Derrick’s Sister: I picked Stacey, Beth, Ashley, Rachel and Jenny.

Derrick: That’s funny. I also picked Stacey, Beth, Ashley, Rachel and Jenny. Your friends are hot.

Derrick’s Sister: Mom? Dad? Are you gonna do anything?

Dad:[being sly] Well, maybe you shouldn’t have such hot friends.

[cut to T-Mobile. Stick Together]

Announcer: Who’s in your five? Introducing my faves for families.

[Back to the table]

Mom:[troubled] I’m sorry. What did you just say? You think her friends are hot?

Dad:[off guard] No, I…, I mean, you know, come on. They’re attractive young women.

Mom: Oh, so you’re attracted to them?

Dad: I didn’t say I was attracted to them. I just said that they were attractive.

Mom: Michael, these are fifteen year old girls!

Dad:[angry] What are you implying?!

[cut to T-Mobile. Stick Together]

Announcer: Each person gets an unlimited number of calls to any five people. That’s right. All the calls you want to make.

[Back at the table. Later at night, kids gone]

Dad: Jeez Amanda! Its like you think I’m some kind of sicko!

Mom: What am I suppose to think? You think girls our daughter’s age are sexy?

Dad: What would you know about sexy? Huh? I mean, you’ve been so cold to me. So cold to my touch for so long.

[cut to T-Mobile. Stick Together]

Announcer: That goes to any number. Even land lines.

[Back at the table. Michael and Amanda resume their tense discussion]

Dad: Well, you know, at least they ask me how my day went.

Mom: What? So, you’ve been talking to them?[uncomfortable silence] Have you? [another uncomfortable silence] Michael, who’s in your five?

Dad: Um, Stacey, Beth, Ashley, Rachel and now Jenny.

[Sticks his head out the door into the dining room]

Derrick: That’s funny. I also picked Stacey, Beth,—

Mom: Not now!

Dad: DERRICK, GET OUT OF HERE!

[cut to T-Mobile. Stick Together]

Announcer: Only $39.99 a month and if you act now you’ll get 10,000 free messages with unlimited minutes on nights and weekends.

[Cut to dining room. Kids are bummed out. Michael has a suitcase. Amanda has her back to him]

Dad: If anyone needs me I’ll be at the Travelodge.

Mom: Leave the phone.

[Michael pouts and angrily gives her the phone]

[cut to T-Mobile. Stick Together]

Announcer: T-Mobile. Stick together.

[cheers and applause]

[fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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