SNL Transcripts: James Franco: 09/20/08: James and Willam Dafoe


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 2

08b: James Franco / Kings of Leon

James and Willam Dafoe

…..Casey Wilson
…..James Franco
Willem Dafoe…..Bill Hader
…..Andy Samberg

[ open inside Franco’s dressing room. He studies a script as Casey Wilson enters ]

Casey Wilson: Hi, James!

James Franco: [ looking up ] Oh, hi, Casey.

Casey Wilson: I hate to bother you… but would you mind signing this “Spider-Man” DVD?

James Franco: Oh, sure.

Casey Wilson: It’s for my Mom, she’s a huge fan… of… Willem Dafoe.

James Franco: [ as he autographs the DVD ] Oh… okay. Here you go.

Casey Wilson: Thanks! I’ll see you out there! [ she exits the dressing room ] [ a maniacal laugh can be heard over Franco’s left shoulder ]

James Franco: Hello?

[ the dressing room dims ]

James Franco: Who’s there?!

Willem Dafoe: It’s me, James! [ Franco turns to face the man in his mirror ] Willem Dafoe. You look surprised to see me!

James Franco: [ rubbing his eyes] I must be seeing things, uh — the pressure of the show is getting to me…

Willem Dafoe: Yeah, it must be real tough wearing wigs and aquinting at cue cards for ninety minutes. [ he lets out another maniacal laugh ]

James Franco: What do you WANT from me?!

Willem Dafoe: [ sinister ] I want you to KILL Spider-Man!

James Franco: What? Spider-Man’s a fictional character!

Willem Dafoe: I’m sorry, did I say Spider-Man? I meant Samberg! I want you to KILL Andy Samberg!

James Franco: Andy? Why?

Willem Dafoe: I’ll tell you why: we did a movie together, and I had to share a limo with him. And he kept popping his head out of the moon roof and screaming, “Woo-ooh, look at me! I’m in a ca-arrr!!” The guy’s a Grade-A chooch!

James Franco: I’m not gonna KILL him!

Willem Dafoe: James… I played your father in a movie. You OWE me!

James Franco: I won’t do it!! He’s my BEST FRIEND!!

Willem Dafoe: [ angered ] HOW DARE — [ he drops his voice ] Wait. He’s your best friend? Really?

James Franco: Well… maybe not BEST friend! He’s… A friend! We met on Monday. WHATEVER!! He’s FINE!! I’m not gonna KILL Andy Samberg!!

[ Andy Samberg enters the dressing room, smiling ]

Andy Samberg: Hey, James!

James Franco: [ nervous ] Andy!

Andy Samberg: Hey! You want to see my impression of Willem Dafoe? “Hi, I’m Willem Dafoe! I was in ‘Mississippi Burning’, remember! Bloop-blippity-bloop-bloop! La-terrr!!” [ he exits the dressing room ]

James Franco: You see what I’m talking about?! You don’t need a road map to know that guy deserves to DIIIEE!! Avenge me!

[ music sting ]

James Franco: NO!!! YOU’RE NOT REAL!!!


James Franco: NO!!!

[ Franco throws a coffee cup at the mirror, but it bounces off of Dafoe’s face ]

Willem Dafoe: OWWW!! OWW!!! What gives?!

James Franco: I’m sorry!! I — I — I thought there was a mirror there!

Willem Dafoe: No, I took it out! How else could I GET back here?!

James Franco: Willem, look! I-I-I-I gotta go, I’m late for my next sketch!

Willem Dafoe: James!! Get back here!! I’m Williem Dafoe!! I was in “Mississippi Burning”, remember!! [ proving Samberg’s impression correct: ] Bloop-blippity-bloop-bloop!! La-terrr!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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