Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 2
The Looker/Penny Marshall….Fred Armisen
The Closer/Kyra Sedgwick….Kristen Wiig
Juliette Lewis….Andy Samberg
Suspect 1….Will Forte
Suspect 2….James Franco
Suspect 3….Jason Sudeikis
[Opens with TNT’s logo]
Caption: TNT. We know drama.
Announcer: Coming soon to TNT. If you liked Kyra Sedgwick in “The Closer”.[Kyra poses]
Caption: The Closer.[Cut to an interrogation room. She is handling a suspect]
The Closer: Confess! Confe-e-e-ess!
Announcer: Then get ready for TNT’s newest crime drama. This fall Penny Marshall is “The Looker”
Caption: The Looker[Penny Marshall has a bored to death look on her face. She wears small glasses]
Announcer: She’s a tough lady cop. And she’s looking for justice. She’s The Looker.[The Looker is in a interrogation room. She looks at the suspect with a bored look on her face.]
Suspect 2: Forget it, lady. You can’t prove a thing. [The Looker just looks at him] Look at me all you want. I’m not talking. [Bored looks continue] Those are some tiny glasses. [More bored looks] Ok! You win! I’ll sign the confession! [signs confession] Why are your glasses so small?!
Announcer: Look out, bad guys. Justice has a new face, and it looks like Penny Marshall.[Penny waves someone off camera bored] [Another suspect in the interrogation room]
Suspect 3: Ok, Looker. Do your worst. [The Looker puts on an even more tiny glasses on the bridge of her nose. Suspect signs confession] Son of a bitch. [Laughs]
Announcer: This fall drama’s got an attitude and a freaky small pair of glasses. And coming soon, has The Looker finally met her match? Featuring special guest star Juliette Lewis.[The Looker and Juliette stare at each other in an almost catatonic state]
Announcer: Whoa! Look out everybody, here comes “The Looker”!
Caption: The Looker
The Looker: Only on TNT.[fade]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel