SNL Transcripts: James Franco: 09/20/08: An SNL Digital Short

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 2

08b: James Franco / Kings of Leon

An SNL Digital Short

Sean…..James Franco
Sarah…..Kristen Wiig
Second Woman…..Blake Lively

[open on title screen: “An SNL Digital Short”] [ open mid-broadcast of WB drama “Murray Hill”, complete with “You’re Watching…” graphic ] [ Sean stands outdoors during an evening party and stares blankly at the stars ] [ Sarah watches from the party, then walks away to approach Sean ]

Sarah: Hey.

Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.

Sarah: Not really in a party mood?

Sean: Not really my scene.

Sarah: Me, neither. [ she sits ] You’re not from around here, huh?

Sean: Used to be. A long time ago.

Sarah: I’m Sarah. [ she extends her hand ]

Sean: [ a beat ] Sean. [ he sits ]

Sarah: Soooo… Sean with the mysterious past. What brings you out here tonight?

Sean: I’m not sure yet. Maybe it’s the wind… maybe I’m sick of running. [ a beat ] Maybe it’s my little ding-dong.

Sarah: [ stunned ] What?

Sean: You ever feel like a phony, Sarah?

Sarah: Yeah… I guess… sometimes.

Sean: Most people do. Some more than others. [ he sips from a bottle of beer ]

Sarah: Are you okay, Sean?

Sean: Depends on your definition of “okay”.

Sarah: Right.

Sean: Some people think money makes them okay… some people need a family to feel okay. Some people just have tiny ding-dongs.

Sarah: [ she raises her eyes ] Okaaay, I’m just gonna go… inside.

Sean: You know what really pisses me off, though?

Sarah: No, I don’t… know, I —

Sean: It’s the look on all their faces when I walked into the party. It’s like they’d just seen a ghost.

Sarah: People can be cruel…

Sean: A ghost with a really small ding-dong. [ a beat ] You want to see it?

Sarah: Nooo… I…

Sean: It’s really small.

Sarah: Yeah, um — listen, I’m gonna go. Um, not — not because of your problem, but because you’re really weird… and creepy. Goodbye.

[ she makes her exit ]

Sean: Oh, that’s it! [ he stands ] That’s it, Sarah! Run away! Run away like al the REST!!

[ Sean turns away from the party again, only to be approached moments later by a second woman ]

Second Woman: Hey.

Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.

Second Woman: [ cheerily ] I hear you have a really small penis.

Sean: Damn right, I do.

Second Woman: [ deep voice ] So do I.

Sean: [ intrigued ] Let’s get out of here.

[ they hold hands and walk away ] [ dissolve to title graphic ] [ fade ]

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