Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 2
08b: James Franco / Kings of Leon
An SNL Digital Short
Sean…..James Franco
Sarah…..Kristen Wiig
Second Woman…..Blake Lively
Sarah: Hey.
Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.
Sarah: Not really in a party mood?
Sean: Not really my scene.
Sarah: Me, neither. [ she sits ] You’re not from around here, huh?
Sean: Used to be. A long time ago.
Sarah: I’m Sarah. [ she extends her hand ]
Sean: [ a beat ] Sean. [ he sits ]
Sarah: Soooo… Sean with the mysterious past. What brings you out here tonight?
Sean: I’m not sure yet. Maybe it’s the wind… maybe I’m sick of running. [ a beat ] Maybe it’s my little ding-dong.
Sarah: [ stunned ] What?
Sean: You ever feel like a phony, Sarah?
Sarah: Yeah… I guess… sometimes.
Sean: Most people do. Some more than others. [ he sips from a bottle of beer ]
Sarah: Are you okay, Sean?
Sean: Depends on your definition of “okay”.
Sarah: Right.
Sean: Some people think money makes them okay… some people need a family to feel okay. Some people just have tiny ding-dongs.
Sarah: [ she raises her eyes ] Okaaay, I’m just gonna go… inside.
Sean: You know what really pisses me off, though?
Sarah: No, I don’t… know, I —
Sean: It’s the look on all their faces when I walked into the party. It’s like they’d just seen a ghost.
Sarah: People can be cruel…
Sean: A ghost with a really small ding-dong. [ a beat ] You want to see it?
Sarah: Nooo… I…
Sean: It’s really small.
Sarah: Yeah, um — listen, I’m gonna go. Um, not — not because of your problem, but because you’re really weird… and creepy. Goodbye.
[ she makes her exit ]Sean: Oh, that’s it! [ he stands ] That’s it, Sarah! Run away! Run away like al the REST!!
[ Sean turns away from the party again, only to be approached moments later by a second woman ]Second Woman: Hey.
Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.
Second Woman: [ cheerily ] I hear you have a really small penis.
Sean: Damn right, I do.
Second Woman: [ deep voice ] So do I.
Sean: [ intrigued ] Let’s get out of here.
[ they hold hands and walk away ] [ dissolve to title graphic ] [ fade ]