SNL Transcripts: James Franco: 09/20/08: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 2

08b: James Franco / Kings of Leon

An SNL Digital Short

Sean…..James Franco
Sarah…..Kristen Wiig
Second Woman…..Blake Lively

[open on title screen: “An SNL Digital Short”] [ open mid-broadcast of WB drama “Murray Hill”, complete with “You’re Watching…” graphic ] [ Sean stands outdoors during an evening party and stares blankly at the stars ] [ Sarah watches from the party, then walks away to approach Sean ]

Sarah: Hey.

Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.

Sarah: Not really in a party mood?

Sean: Not really my scene.

Sarah: Me, neither. [ she sits ] You’re not from around here, huh?

Sean: Used to be. A long time ago.

Sarah: I’m Sarah. [ she extends her hand ]

Sean: [ a beat ] Sean. [ he sits ]

Sarah: Soooo… Sean with the mysterious past. What brings you out here tonight?

Sean: I’m not sure yet. Maybe it’s the wind… maybe I’m sick of running. [ a beat ] Maybe it’s my little ding-dong.

Sarah: [ stunned ] What?

Sean: You ever feel like a phony, Sarah?

Sarah: Yeah… I guess… sometimes.

Sean: Most people do. Some more than others. [ he sips from a bottle of beer ]

Sarah: Are you okay, Sean?

Sean: Depends on your definition of “okay”.

Sarah: Right.

Sean: Some people think money makes them okay… some people need a family to feel okay. Some people just have tiny ding-dongs.

Sarah: [ she raises her eyes ] Okaaay, I’m just gonna go… inside.

Sean: You know what really pisses me off, though?

Sarah: No, I don’t… know, I —

Sean: It’s the look on all their faces when I walked into the party. It’s like they’d just seen a ghost.

Sarah: People can be cruel…

Sean: A ghost with a really small ding-dong. [ a beat ] You want to see it?

Sarah: Nooo… I…

Sean: It’s really small.

Sarah: Yeah, um — listen, I’m gonna go. Um, not — not because of your problem, but because you’re really weird… and creepy. Goodbye.

[ she makes her exit ]

Sean: Oh, that’s it! [ he stands ] That’s it, Sarah! Run away! Run away like al the REST!!

[ Sean turns away from the party again, only to be approached moments later by a second woman ]

Second Woman: Hey.

Sean: [ he turns to acknowledge her ] Hey.

Second Woman: [ cheerily ] I hear you have a really small penis.

Sean: Damn right, I do.

Second Woman: [ deep voice ] So do I.

Sean: [ intrigued ] Let’s get out of here.

[ they hold hands and walk away ] [ dissolve to title graphic ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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