Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 2
Yankee Stadium Stories
Martin Scorsese….Fred Armisen
Rosie Perez….Amy Poehler
Caption: Yankee Stadium Stories
Martin Scorsese: [rapid fire delivery] Yankee Stadium. Look at this place. Beautiful. Huge stadium. They’re gonna tear it down. A piece of New York history. Unbelievable. Who could fathom that? Mickey Mantle, my favorite player of all time. My favorite Yankee.
Rosie Perez: [thick, nasal Spanish accent] I can’t believe they’re gonna tear it down because I have so many memories here cause I used to come here with my uncle Rico when I was little and we would come on roller skates.[Martin Scorsese pushes Rosie down the stadium aisles on her roller skates]
Martin Scorsese: It’s a true story. We used to play baseball in our backyard. But we couldn’t afford bats and balls so we used loaves of bread [Martin getting ready to bat with a loaf of bread] and meatballs. [Martin shows a meatball in his baseball glove] That’s a true story.[Rosie throws a meatball at Martin. Martin whacks the ball with the loaf of bread. He runs while Rosie fields.]
Rosie Perez: Oh, no! Throw me the meatball!
Martin Scorsese: And now they’re gonna move Yankee Stadium.
Rosie Perez: How are they going to move Yankee Stadium, Martin Scorsese?
Martin Scorsese: Terrible. What are they going to move next? The Empire State Building?
Rosie Perez: One time there was a breakdancing contest here and I was a judge. Yankee Stadium, I love you.
Martin Scorsese: Yankee Stadium. Bye.
Caption: Yankee Stadium Stories.[fade]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel