Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 4
08d: Anne Hathaway / The Killers
Guest House
Fermagelli…..Fred Armisen
Gary…..Kenan Thompson
Bobby…..Bobby Moynihan
Bill…..Bill Hader
Anne…..Anne Hathaway
Girl #1…..Casey Wilson
Girl #2…..Kristen Wiig
Busboy…..Andy Samberg
(Fermagelli, Gary, Bobby and Bill make a toast)
Gary: Tonight’s the night!
Bobby: Guys, we’ve been here for like two hours and we still haven’t met any women.
Bill: That’s because we’re not talking to anyone.
Gary: Well how ’bout those three ladies over there? (points to Anne, Girl #1 and Girl #2)
Bill: I don’t know…they’ve been rolling their eyes at us for the last thirty minutes.
Fermagelli: You know what, I’m gonna break the ice. I’m gonna show you how it’s done. I’m gonna do it the Fermagelli way.
Guys: FERMAGELLI!
(Fermagelli walks over to the girls)
Fermagelli: Hey ladies, when’s the last time you smelled Michael Jordan cologne? (He wafts the cologne in their direction, met with disgust. Fermagelli continues with an awkward dance)
Anne: (laughs) You are so many kinds of wrong right now.
(Fermagelli walks back, rejected)
Bill: How did it go?’
Fermagelli: Not good.
Bill: It’s all about confidence. Ladies like confidence. Go show them Gary.
Gary: I’m not goin’ man. My self esteem is at an all time low ever since I slipped and fell on the dance floor.
Bobby: That’s it. I’ll do it.
Bill: I think he’s ready
Gary: Remember, be confident.
Fermagelli: Want some tips, man?
Bobby: Nah, I’m good.
(He walks over to the ladies and taps Anne on the shoulder. Music starts to play and Anne and Bobby dance with each other instinctively. Both the girls and the guys are cheering them on in slow motion as a bus boy walks by and takes Fermagelli’s drink in regular speed.)
Bobby: Oh, hey.
Anne: (laughs) hey.
Bobby: Thanks
Anne: Thank you
Bobby: That was fun.
Anne:Really fun.
Bobby: Yeah.
Anne: Your friends are kinda idiots.
Bobby: Yeah, I know. I just hang out with them to make me look awesome.
Anne: You wanna get out of here?
Bobby: Really?
Anne: No.
Bobby: Oh.
Anne: I’m kidding.
Bobby:I knew that.
Anne: So…
(they wave to their friends and leave)
Fermagelli: That’s our boy! C’mon, let’s dance.
(Fermagelli, Bill, Gary, Girl #1 and Girl #2 dance together)
FADE
Submitted by: JMan
