Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 4
Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals
Mark Wahlberg…..Andy Samberg
[Graphic: “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals”]
Don Pardo: And now: Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals.
[graphic dissolves to Mark Wahlberg in a farm setting]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey! I’m Mark Wahlberg. You guys know me. Let’s go talk to some animals.
[walks over and kneels next to a dog]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey, dog. How’s it goin’? I like your fur, that looks really great. So you’re a dog, right? What’s that all about? [dog just stares ahead, oblivious] Okay, well it was great to meet you. Say hi to your mother for me, okay? [stands up] Now I’m gonna talk to a donkey.
[walks over to a donkey and bends down]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey, donkey. What’s goin’ on? You’re a donkey, I like that. You eat apples, right? I produce Entourage. [donkey just stares ahead, oblivious] Okay, talk to you later, donkey. [stands up] Now I’m gonna talk to a chicken.
[walks over to a chicken on top of several crates]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey, chicken. How’s it hangin’? A lot of people wanna eat you, but I just wanna talk to you, okay? We should do a film together, whaddya think? [chicken looks around uninterested] Hey, chicken, I’m not joking around, okay? This is the real thing, I mean this could be huge! [chicken continues to look uninterested] All right, well, think about it. Say hi to your mother for me, alright? Now I’m gonna talk to a goat.
[walks over and sits down next to a goat]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey, goat. It’s good to see you. I like your beard. I had a beard like that in The Perfect Storm. Did you see that movie? [goat stares ahead oblivious] Did ya, did ya see The Perfect Storm, goat? [goat still stares ahead blankly] Say hi to your mother for me, okay?
Don Pardo: This has been: Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals.
Submitted by Kevin M. Pitts