Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 4
Anne Hathaway’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Anne Hathaway!
Anne Hathaway: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you,thank you, thank you! It is GREAT to be here hosting “Saturday Night Live”! [ audience cheers ]
So… I just had a busy summer. I did some traveling… I’ve got a new movie out, called “Rachel Getting Married”… [ audience cheers ] Oh. And, also, I broke up with my Italian boyfriend, and, two weeks later, he was heading to prison for fraud. [ audience cheers ] Yeaahhhh!! Alright! I mean, we’ve all been there — am I right, ladies? [ she gauges the reaction ]
So, the experience made me feel pretty gullible, and I was ready to SWEAR off dating. But… then… I met an amazing new guy! I feel almost embarrassed to say this, but… we met on the Internet. I usually don’t read letters from strangers, but… how often do you get e-mail from a Nigerian prince? [ the audience laughs as Hathaway beams with pride ] And he is such a sweetheart. And, notthat it matters, but he is pret-ty wealth-y! [ she giggles ] And he wants to know EVERYTHING about me! He asked about my family, my friends, and, just yesterday, he asked what my Social Security number was! How sweet… is… that!
Now, I know what you’re all thinking: “Why is Anne Hathaway so… lucky?” I don’t know! I don’t know! And… yesterday was our one-month anniversary, and, I know it’s sappy, but, I sent him something I knew he’d love: a mix CD! And $100,000! [ she laughs ] I feel… pretty good about us! And, who knows, maybe someday you’ll be hearing, “And the Oscar goes to me, Princess O-go-arg-i-se-van!” [?]
We have a GREAT show for you tonight. The Killers are here! Stick around, we’ll be right back!