SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 10/04/08: Sioux City News 3


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 4

08d: Anne Hathaway / The Killers

Sioux City News 3

Michael Modesto…..Jason Sudeikis
Tanya Mitchell…..Anne Hathaway
Melanie Moore…..Casey Wilson
Trevor Johnson…..Kenan Thompson
Christopher Smalls…..Bobby Moynihan
Animal Expert…..Kristen Wiig
Tom Geneveve…..Will Forte
Redneck…..Fred Armisen
Andrea St. James…..Amy Poehler

[ open on Sioux City 3 graphic ]

Announcer: Stay tuned for your local news, on Channel 3 — Sioux city’s finest, AND America’s “Most Youtubed” news team!

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: With… lead anchor, Michael Modesto.

Michael Modesto V/O: “A local family has been left homeless –“

[ slight offscreen snort from Modesto, as the camera finally dissolves to his in-studio clip ]

Michael Modesto: [ with “Holiday Fire” graphic over his left shoulder ] “A local family has been left homeless –” [ he snorts again ] “for the holidays, after –” [ he snorts louder, unable to maintain his composure ] Excuse me! [ he clears his throat ] “…after a fi-reee… after a fire that burned down their tree –” [ he cracks up harder, joined by his co-anchor ] I’m sorry! It’s not funny! Would you stop!

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: Co-anchor, Tanya Mitchell.

[ dissolve to her in-studio clip ]

Tanya Mitchell: Up next, City Councilman Doug Parks faces bribery charges, when we returnr. [ thinking the camera has stopped rolling, she turns to face her offscreen co-anchor ] I told you about him, didn’t I? [ she motions her fingers together to represent a shrinking penis ] Woo-oo-ooh! Believe me, I have SEEN it! [ she looks up ] What? We’re still on the –? [ she panics ] Ummmmm….

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: Human Interest reporter, Melanie Moore.

[ dissolve to her in-studio clip: interview with Trevor Johnson ]

Melanie Moore: I’m here with Trevor Johnson, who’s planning a big, black penis — a… big block party! [ she smiles ] Excuse me.

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: Feature reporter, Christopher Smalls.

[ dissolve to his in-studio clip: animal expert segment ]

Christopher Smalls: Now… if I wanted to take the wife and kids to see some of these critters, what would — [ the lizard jumps out its cage and lands on Smalls’ jacket pocket ] Aiiiigghhhh!!! I’M DEAD!! I’M DEAD!! [ he faints ] [ dissolve to Youtube logo ]

: The ONLY local news team with over nine-million Youtube hits combined!

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: Featuring, Sports Reporter Tom Geneveve.

[ dissolve to his exterior clip, standing in front of sports arena as a redneck wanders into the background and begins to accentuatethe bulge of his penis ]

Tom Geneveve: The Sioux City Bandits are off to a GREAT start this year. They beat Billings, 31 to 30 in overtime, and tomorrow they take on River City. That figures to be a great game —

[ dissolve to anchor promo shot ]

Announcer: And… meteorologist, Andrea St. James.

[ dissolve to her exterior clip: amid howling wind ]

Andrea St. James: Winds have reached speeds of over 80 miles an — [ a milabox breezes past her face] WHOA!! That was a close one! [ scattered pieces of mail fly at her face and hit her instead ] AIIIGGGHHH!!!! So many paper cuts!!

[ cut to Michael Modesto and Tanya Mitchell at the news desk ]

Michael Modesto: Whoa-oa! Special Delivery! [ he chuckles, failing to get a rise of Tanya Mitchell ] [ dissolve to Sioux City 3 card ]

Announcer: Tune in and see why MORE people forward clips of THIS news team than ANY other!

[ cut to Tanya Mitchell looking off-camera, unaware that the tape is rolling ]

Tanya Mitchell: Hey. Hey, does that guy, Tino Donovan… does he — does he still sell weed? What? [ she glances at the camera, surprised ] Ohhhh!! [ she chuckles ] Ha-ha-HI!!

[ cut to group anchor shot ]

Announcer: Sioux City’s Channel 3 news team. Catch them tonight, or ANYT TIME, on your computer.

[ Tom Geneveve doubles over and pukes ]

Announcer: Quick! You’ve gotta see this!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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