SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 10/04/08: Mary Poppins


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 4

08d: Anne Hathaway / The Killers

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins…..Anne Hathaway
Bert…..Bill Hader
Constable Jones…..Will ForteMichael Banks…..Bobby Moynihan
Jane Banks…..Casey Wilson

[ open on storybook courtyard scene ]

Mary Poppins and Children: (Singing)
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.
If you say it loud enough. you’ll always sound precocious.

[ the children giggle, as they bench seats opposite Mary Poppins ]

Jane Banks: Oh, Mary Poppins, that was EVER so much fun!

Michael Banks: What a delightful new word!

Jane Banks: It must be the LONGEST word in the dictionary.

Michael Banks: And the SILLIEST!

[ an unsettling tension suddenly fills the air ]

Jane Banks: What does it mean, Mary Poppins?

Mary Poppins: [ taken aback ] What? Ohhh, that doesn’t matter. Its just a silly-billy word. Now, who wants to ride a magical carousel?

Jane: I do! But first, please tell us what that word means.

Michael Banks: Yes, there must be some kind of working definition.

Mary Poppins: Well. If you must know, “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” is a disease of the liver. It’s very rare and extremely painful.

Jane Banks: Goodness! How’d you ever learn a word like that Mary Poppins?

Mary Poppins: I have it! I have the disease!

Michael Banks: Oh!

Jane Banks: Is it… as fun to have as it is to say, Mary Poppins?

Mary Poppins: Well… no. What happens, basically, is that your liver stops producing bile. Gradually, you lose the ability to break down acids, and eventually your body just shuts down. Sure is fun to sing though. [ she laughs ] “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” [ she laughs more maniacally ]

Children: Is it… contagious, Mary Poppins?

Mary Poppins: Yes! But only for grown-ups.

Michael Banks: What does that mean?!

Mary Poppins: How do I explain it? Sometimes when a man and a woman really fancy each other…

[ suddenly, Bert the chimney sweep appears ]

Bert: ‘ello everyone!

Children: Bert!!

[ Jane runs to greet Bert ]

Bert: Oh, easy, children! I’ve got one heck of a stomachache. It must be your cooking, Mary Poppins!

[ Mary smiles nervously ]

Michael Banks: [ excitedly ] We just — we just learned a new word! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Bert: Oh, how delightful!

Michael Banks: It’s a disease of the liver!

Jane Banks: Mary Poppins has it!

Michael Banks: [ he whispers loudly ] It’s spread amongst grown-ups!

Bert: [ he freezes in place ] Is that right? Childrne, would, uh — excuse us for one moment? [ he approaches Mary ] What they say, Mary? Do you… have something?

Mary Poppins: Oh, Bert. Don’t worry. You look healthy to me.

Bert: Healthy? I’ve got black lung from sweeping the chimneys, and now you’ve given me supercalifragi-whatever.

Michael Banks: [ singing ] “Expialidocious!”

Bert: [ to children ] Shut it!

Mary Poppins: Oh, Bert. Cheer up. It’s not that bad. (Singing with the children) “Because… just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way!!”

Bert: [ sarcastically ] Sugar. That’ll cure my disease.

[ Constable Jones enters the courtyard ]

Constable Jones: ‘ello guys!

Children: Constable Jones!! [ they start to rise ]

Constable Jones: Oh, don’t come near me. I’m feeling awfully sick. Must be your cooking, Mary Poppins! So, uh — what’s the good word.

Bert: Listen, Tommy… [ he whispers into Constable jones’ ear ]

Constable Jones: Oh, no. Supercalifragi-what?

Michael Banks: [ singing ] “Expialidocious!”

Bert: Come on, I’ll buy you a whiskey. Come on. [ they exit ]

Michael Banks: This has been… a very unusual day, Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins: Well, I’m a very unusual nanny! [ she laughs maniacally ] I guess I’m in pretty serious denial!

Mary Poppins and Children: (Singing) “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Zach Mahassine

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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