SNL Transcripts: Anne Hathaway: 10/04/08: The Lawrence Welk Show

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 34: Episode 4

The Lawrence Welk Show

Lawrence Welk…..Fred Armisen
Janice…..Anne Hathaway
Holly…..Amy Poehler
Nora…..Casey Wilson
Denise…..Kristen Wiig

Announcer: PBS now returns to another mildly enjoyable moment from the Lawrence Welk Show.

Lawrence Welk: Thank you, Thank you. And I am sorry to say we have come to that time again, time to say goodnight. I want to thank all our wonderful guests tonight. We’ve enjoyed the beautiful harmonies of the lovely Lennon Sisters, Joe Finni and Guy Holy, the deep baratone of Larry Hooper, the very nice and entertaining accordian sounds of Myron Florin, and the high clicking quick steps of Bobby and Cissy. Bobby, when are you gonna ask Cissy to marry you? She’s ready. Now to take us out is a sister act from the Finger Lakes making their wonderful “Lawrence Welk Show” debut. Please welcome the Meryl Sisters. And a one, and a two…

[dissolve to the Meryl Sisters, which consist of three attractive girls and a fourth who has a large forehead and tiny arms and sings terribly off-key]

All girls: [singing]Sisters do as sisters should,
we’re all together, sisters

Janice: I’m Janice

Holly: I’m Holly

Nora: I’m Nora

Denise: And I’m Denise.

All:
Sisters always stick together
even when they fall in love

Janice: Like with my boyfriend

Holly: With my husband

Nora: With my fiancee

Denise: With me by myself.

All:
Even though we’re all alike,
we enjoy different things.

Janice: I like waterfalls

Holly: I like butterflies

Nora: I like rainbows

Denise: I like chasing cars.

All:
We’ve enjoyed our time with you
but now we have to run

Holly: Goodnight

Nora: Sweet dreams

Janice: Sleep tight

Denise:
I found a dead cat on the side of the road,
so I took it home and put some honey on it,
and I cooked it and then I ate it
Is that bad? Doo doo doo doo

Janice: Denise! Shut up!

(the other sisters leave Denise behind.)

Lawrence Welk: Thank you, thank you. Wonderful. Was her forehead really big, or was I looking through a couple of bubbles? (Denise goes around him, popping bubbles.) Thank you, thank you to our sponsors, Mammoth automobiles, and Clorox facial soap. Goodnight, and keep the song in your heart.

[fade]

Submitted by: JMan and Adam

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King