SNL Transcripts: Josh Brolin: 10/18/08: MacGruber



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 5







08e: Josh Brolin / Adele

MacGruber

MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Kyle…..Josh Brolin




[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
MacGruber!
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
MacGruber!
He’s been dabbling in the market, and he doesn’t use a broker!
MacGruber!
He hasn’t checked his stocks in months!

[CUT to MacGruber sipping from a frozen drink and pointing it toward the camera, against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to an abandoned oil refinery. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Abandoned Oil Refinery.” CUT to a sign marked “Oil Refinery Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Kyle: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber! This refinery door is pressure-bolted shut!

Vicky: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — from the looks of that nitrogen bomb, this we’ve only got twenty seconds!

Kyle: What do we do, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Okay, don’t worry, gang — this one’s a piece of cake! In fact, I even have time to check my stocks online! It’s so easy! [ he opens a laptop computer ] I just log into the web site…

Vicky: [ looking at her watch ] FIFTEEN seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: [ ignoring her ] Put in my password… “MacGruber” — do not tell anyone, you guys, I’m serious!

Kyle: MacGruber! What about the bomb?!

MacGruber: Okay, I’ll tell you what’s gonna be “da bomb”, Kyle — is when I use my tremendous stock earnings to take you out to a juicy steak dinner. Oooh-wee!

Vicky: TEN SECONDS!!

MacGruber: Okay, it’s loading…

Kyle: MacGruber! Hurry!

MacGruber: Loading…

Vicky: FIVE seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Annnnnddd… we’re in!this?

[ MacGruber’s face turns sour, as he sees something online he doesn’t like. Kyle and Vicky shrug with bewildered curiosity. ]

MacGruber: What the fu —

[CUT to the oil refinery exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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