SNL Transcripts: Josh Brolin: 10/18/08: Wahlberg’s Confrontation


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 5

08e: Josh Brolin / Adele

Wahlberg’s Confrontation

…..Andy Samberg
…..Mark Wahlberg
…..Amy Poehler
…..Josh Brolin
…..Kenan Thompson

[ open on backstage kitchen area, as Andy Samberg roots through the fridge. He closes the fridge door to reveal Mark Wahlberg standing in wait along the wall. ] [ Andy screams ]

Mark Wahlberg: Hey, Andy.

Andy Samberg: Ohhhh, Mark Wahlberg! Hi! How are you?

Mark Wahlberg: [ menacingly ] Oh, not so good, Andy. I mean, I saw the last show.

Andy Samberg: You did?

Mark Wahlberg: Yes, I did. And I gotta tell you, I’m very upset about this imitation, the thing with the animals. I mean, what is that?

Andy Samberg: Yeah, it was just a stupid thing we did! It was stupid!

Mark Wahlberg: Well, I gotta be honest with you, buddy — I’ve been thinking about breaking that big, beautiful nose of yours.

Andy Samberg: Sure. sure, it’s big and beautiful… yeah…

Mark Wahlberg: But, you know what? I decided not to, being the churchgoing guy that I am. But, I mean, it’s nothing like me. What was that?

Andy Samberg: I know… I agree with you, and the thing I’d like to say…

[ Amy Poehler walks up ]

Amy Poehler: Hey. How you doing?

Mark Wahlberg: Hey, Amy Poehler! How’s it going?

Amy Poehler: Pretty good.

Mark Wahlberg: You’re pregnant. What’s that all about, huh?

Amy Poehler: [ shrugs ] I don’t know.

Mark Wahlberg: Well, it’s nice to see you. Say hi to your mother for me.

Amy Poehler: Okay.

[ she walks off ]

Mark Wahlberg: So, Andy — where were we?

Andy Samberg: Uh — you were saying my impression was way off.

Mark Wahlberg: Yeah, I mean, look — I don’t get it. It was very inaccurate, you know?

Andy Samberg: Again — yeah…

[ Josh Brolin walks up ]

Josh Brolin: Hey, Mark!

Mark Wahlberg: Heyyy, Josh Brolin!

Josh Brolin: What’s going on?

Mark Wahlberg: How are you doing?

Josh Brolin: I’m good, good!

Mark Wahlberg: You were in the “Goonies” movie, right? [ Brolin nods, confused ] I produce “Entourage”!

Josh Brolin: Yeah, I-I-I know…

Mark Wahlberg: Say hi to your mother for me, alright?

Josh Brolin: Okay. [ turns and exits ]

Mark Wahlberg: And your stepmother.

Andy Samberg: Look, Mark, I-I didn’t mean any offense by you. I’m a fan of your movies…

Mark Wahlberg: Whoa, hold on a second. [ he approaches a donkey being held by a rope by a costumed Kenan Thompson ] Hey! Hey, donkey!

Kenan Thompson: What’s up, Mark?

Mark Wahlberg: How’s it going? You live in a barn, right? I’m in “Max Payne”. Have you see that movie? [ the donkey turns itself around ] Okay, donkey. Say hi to your mother for me. [ he returns to Andy ] So… Andy. I’m — actually, I’m glad we had this talk. I feel better.

Andy Samberg: Good. You know, me, too. [ he grimaces ] “Say hi to your mother for me?”

Mark Wahlberg: [ starts to throw a punch, then stops ] You know what? I’m not gonna go there. [ extends his arms ] Give me a hug. Come on! We’re gonna hug it out, bitch!

Andy Samberg: Alright…

[ they hug ]

Mark Wahlberg: I love you.

Andy Samberg: God bless you.

Mark Wahlberg: Never again, okay?

Andy Samberg: Okay.

Mark Wahlberg: Okay!

Andy Samberg: Alright.

[ Andy runs away, flailing ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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