SNL Transcripts: Josh Brolin: 10/18/08: Surprise Proposal



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 5












08e: Josh Brolin / Adele

Surprise Proposal

Sue….Kristen Wiig
Chris….Josh Brolin
Grace….Amy Poehler
Grace´s husband….Will Forte
Rick….Bill Hader
Kath….Casey Wilson

(Opens with a Japanese restaurant, cut to inside of it. A group of friends are sitting in the dojo looking room. It has a tiny table, everyone sits around it on the floor with the shoes off. A fish tank filled with lobsters is in the back)

Chris: So, thank you guys for coming tonight. I´m sure you´re all probably wondering what´s this dinner all about. And I got some great news! I´m planning on proposing to Kath tonight.

(Sue with her big multicolored sweater is getting excited)

Sue: Oh, my Go-o-od!

Chris: She thinks this is just gonna be a casual dinner just with family and friends. She has no idea that I´m gonna pop the question. Ok?

Sue: Oh, my Go-o-od!

Grace: How romantic.

Grace´s Husband: Yeah, I bet she´s gonna cry.

Sue: Oh, my God! Here?! At Takasowi´s?!

Rick: Yes, Sue. What´s going on with you?

Sue: I love surprises! I love being involved! Oh, God! I´m so FRICKIN´excited!

(Sue rocks back and forth)

Chris: Well, thanks for being here cause I´m happy too. You´re all so special to her and I know its going to mean a lot to her having you here so much.

Sue: When is it happening?

Chris: Soon. But look, before she gets here I want to go over how exactly is gonna work. Because you know, I´m a little nervous myself.

Grace: Oh, I remember when—

Sue:(containing her excitement) I´m sorry! She does not know this is happening! Oh, God! We do! We KNOW!

Chris: Sue, calm down. We know, its fine, its fine. Look, she´s gonna text me when she´s almost here and I just need you guys to act normal. I don´t want her to have any idea that this is happening.

(Sue can´t barely contain herself, she stuffs a handful of butterfly fritters on her mouth)

Rick: Sure. Sue? Sue? Sue? Are you all right?

Sue:(chewing) I get weak and then I got hungry and now my mouth is…(unintelligible mumbling)

Grace´s Husband: Sue, you need to get a hold of yourself.

Sue: Yeah, I´m all right. (drinks water) I´m gonna do it! Oh, God!

Chris: Grace, look, what do you think? I´m trying to decide whether I just present the ring or maybe I should hide it in her food…

Sue: HIDE IT!!! She is gonna come in here! She´s gonna think this is all about sushi but it is not! Oh, God! Her life is gonna change! She is not expecting this!

Grace: Well, I think hiding it in the food is very romantic.

Grace´s Husband: Yes, it is definitely a surprise.

Chris: (checking phone) Oh, my God! Here it is. She just texted me. My gosh, she´s gonna be here any minute. Oh, I´m really nervous, I´m really nervous. (looks over to Sue) What is she doing?

(Sue rolls around the floor, grabbing her mat and folding it around her)

Sue: She texted you!! Guys, she´s gonna be here soon!! What are we doing?! What are we doing?!

Chris: Sue, get up! Don´t ruin this. Oh, shoot. I have to think, I have to think, I have to think…all right. So, real quickly, this is where Kath is gonna be, she´s gonna be eating and then she´ll find the ring…..

Sue: (rocking sideways) Yes…yes…

Chris:….then I´m gonna say a bunch of stuff like mushy stuff, but I won´t do that. I´ll save that stuff for the real thing. And then I´m gonna pop the question and she´ll say….I don´t know. What do you think she´ll say?

Sue: I DO-O-O-O!!! (arms up in the air) That´s what she´s gonna say!!! She´s gonna say yes!!!

Grace: Sue, Sue what is wrong with you?

Chris: Oh, my God, guys! She´s coming, she´s coming. Sue, I think you should just get out of here. Rick, get her out of here.

(Rick takes Sue away)

(Kath enters the restaurant)

Kath: Hi, sweetie.

Chris: Hi, honey.(kiss)

Grace´s Husband: How you doing?

Kath: Hey, I thought Sue was coming.

(Sue is behind the fish tank biting on the collar of her sweater)

Grace´s Husband: She went to wash her hands.

Grace: Yeah, she should be back any minute.

Rick: She´s back.

(Sue has a lobster´s claw clamped in her mouth)

Kath: What is Sue doing?

Chris: Oh, she´s just– she´s just joking around.

Kath: Ok, well….

Sue: Things are gonna change for you tonight!!!

Rick: Sue, don´t.

Sue: There´s a surprise for you!! What?! Oh, God! Question coming…something I can´t talk about!! Who?!! Him and You!!! Tonight!! It is happening!! Oh, my God! Don´t look at your food!!! Oh, stop it!! Who said that?! I´m saying!!! Oh, God here it comes!! Oh, God Here it comes!! I´m gonna say it!! Oh, God! oh, God! Here it comes!!!

Rick: Sue, shut up, shut up!

(Waiter comes with tray)

Waiter: Glass wine?

(Sue takes the wine, splashes it on her own face and smashes the glass on her head, falls unconscious)

Kath: What is happening?!

Chris: This isn´t exactly how I wanted to do it but I don´t want this surprise to get ruined before I have this chance so….

(Chris takes ring out and gets down on one knee)

Kath: Oh, my gosh!

Grace: Oh, he´s getting on one knee.

(Sue gets up all excited)

Sue: ONE KNEE!!! I LOVE TRADITION!!!

(Sue jumps through the paper partition doors of the restaurant)

Chris: Kath, will you marry me?

Kath: Oh, my gosh, Chris! Yes! Yes! (hugs Chris)

Rick: Congratulations.

Kath: We´re getting married.

(Sue jumps back in through the hole, grabs a piece of the door)

Sue: AHH, SHE SAID YES!!! THERE´S GONNA BE A WEDDING!!! AAAHHH!!

(Sue jumps back out of the hole)

Chris: I love you, honey. (kisses Kath)

(cheers and applause)

(fade)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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