SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 10/25/08: The Barack Obama Variety Half-Hour


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 6

08f: Jon Hamm / Coldplay

The Barack Obama Variety Half-Hour

Sen. Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen
Michelle Obama…..Maya Rudolph
Nancy Pelosi…..Kristen Wiig
Barney Frank…..Bobby Moynihan
Rahm Emmanuel…..Andy Samberg
Bill Clinton…..Darrell Hammond
Joe Biden…..Jason Sudeikis
Rev. Jeremiah Wright…..Kenan Thompson
Bill Ayers…..Bill Hader

[ open on title card ]

Announcer: And now, a message from Barack and Michelle Obama.

[ dissolve to Barack and michelle Obama standing before a glittery curtain ]

Sen. Barack Obama: Good evening, my fellow Americans. I am Barack Obama, and this is my wife, Michelle. This coming Wednesday, our campaign will run a special thirty-minute address on all four major networks.

Michelle Obama: This airtime was initially purchased so that we could speak to you one last time about the issues.

Sen. Barack Obama: However, with poll numbers putting us so far ahead, we decided now’s the time to play it safe.

Michelle Obama: Instead of a conventional address, we’re going to carefully manage our lead and, well, shake things up…

[ wide shot reveals the full stage with lights all around and Obama’s logo across the stage floor ]

Sen. Barack Obama: With the “Barack Obama Variety Half-Hour”! It’s time to have some fun!

Michelle Obama: Because we got a lead in the polls, and we built it up.

Sen. Barack Obama: We built it up.

Michelle Obama: We built it up.

Together: [ to the tune of “Solid (As A Rock)” by Ashford & Simpson ]“And now it’s solid
Solid as Barack!
That’s what this lead is
That’s what we got-got-got-got-got-got!”

Sen. Barack Obama: All your favorites from the campaign will be stopping by for songs and skits. Including House Democrats: Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi, and Rahm Emmanuel.

[ cut to Frank, Pelosi, and Emmanuel ]

Nancy Pelosi: [ to the tune of “Our House” by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young ]“Our house, is a very, very, very fine house!”

Barney Frank & Rahm Emmanuel: “Fine house!”

Nancy Pelosi: “When the Republicans were in charge”

Barney Frank & Rahm Emmanuel: “Life used to be so hard.

Nancy Pelosi: “Now everything is easy, ’cause of you-ou-ou-ou.”

[ cut to Barack Obama ]

Sen. Barack Obama: [ chuckling heartily ] And, of course, a party is never complete without… Bill Clinton.

[ cut to Clinton surrounded by two dancing girls ]

Bill Clinton: [ to the tune of “Don’t You (Forget About Me” by Simple Minds ]“Don’t you, forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t!”

[ he holds a thumbs-up pose ] [ cut to Barack Obama ]

Sen. Barack Obama: Yeah! It’s been a long campaign, so let’s have some good old-fashioned fun… with Senator Joe Biden.

Sen. Joe Biden: [ chuckling ] Thanks for inviting me to dinner, Barack!

Sen. Barack Obama: So, Joe, I’m gonna ask: Why did you say that, if I was elected, a foreign power would test me with an international crisis? [ he looks over ] Hey, what are you eating?

Sen. Joe Biden: Oh, this? [ he holds up a rubber foot ] It’s my foot! In my mouth!

[ they both chuckle heartily ]

Sen. Barack Obama: You’ll even see Rev. Jeremiah Wright and University of Illinois at Chicago Professor Bill Ayers.

[ cut to Wright, with Ayers on keyboard ]

Rev. Jeremiah Wright: [ to the tune of “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley ]“White devils be craaaaaaaaaazy!
White devils be craaaaaaaaaazy!”

[ Wright shrugs ] [ cut to Michelle Obama ]

Michelle Obama: And some serious moments, like Barack meeting the spirit of John F. Kennedy.

[ cut to Barack Obama sitting with eyes closed, as the spirit of John F. Kennedy moves forward ]

Spirit of John F. Kennedy: Hey, Barack Obama. Over the years, there have been many pretenders in the Democratic Party, but you truly are the heir to my legacy.

Bill Clinton: [ steps forward ] Guys! I’m standing right here!

Sen. Barack Obama: Bill Clinton, everybody!

[ cut to Michelle Obama ]

Michelle Obama: So join us, this Wednesday, for the “Barack Obama Variety Half Hour”. I promise it will be…

[ Barack Obama joins her ]

Together: “Solid!”

Michelle Obama: Yes, it is!

Together: “Solid as Barack!”

[ everyone else joins them on stage ]

“That’s what this show isThat’s what we got-got-got-got-got-got!”

Barack Obama: Don’t forget to vote — FOR ME!!

Solid as Barack!”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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