SNL Transcripts: Paul Rudd: 11/15/08: Proposition 8


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 8

08h: Paul Rudd / Beyonce

Proposition 8

Frankie…..Bill Hader
Eddie…..Paul Rudd
Guy…..Bobby Moyynihan
Woman…..Michaela Watkins

[ open on footage from a Prop 8 protest ] [ dissolve to Eddie and Frankie standing in their service garage ]

Frankie: Can you believe this?

Eddie: No!

Frankie: “We want gay marriage.” I mean… [ he scoffs ] You know what I mean?

Eddie: I know what you mean.

Frankie: I mean, look — live the way you want to live, but, for me… you know. [ he sneers ] That don’t sit right.

Eddie: Ah, I know. I mean, to each their own. God bless. I got a cousin. But that stuff — ehhh.

Frankie: Look, they’re not bad people. I mean, remember we went to the Pride parade last year?

Eddie: That’s right, yeah. No, we had to build that float.

Frankie: Exactly! And, you know what? We had a good time!

Eddie: Sure, we did! It’s a pageant — the colors and the bodies, and it’s fun!

Frankie: It’s a way to spend a Sun-day! [ a beat ] But to make it your whole life? Eughh, it’s silly.

Eddie: No, you know what it is? It’s DUMB!

Frankie: Yeah. Hey, you know those guys from the parade?

[ he stops to assist a guy picking up his car ]

Frankie: Those guys from the parade — they’re good guys!

Eddie: Oy!

Frankie: I mean, we meet up, and we rollerblade shirtless and in jean cutoffs… and we walk our tiny dogs, you know?

Eddie: Yeah! Sure! Because it’s good fun! Hey, you know me — every week, I put on a ball gown and I go down to the club and do my Anne Murray show. [ he shrugs ] I sing standards and people forget their troubles.

Frankie: Yeahhh, you’re doing them a ser-vice! [ a beat ] Look, do I go cruising? Sure. And I pick up rough trade, and it’s a joke, and I can barely keep a straight face! I’m not judging anybody. But these people.

Eddie: I know! I mean, do I walk around like a big shot?

Frankie: No.

Eddie: I got a sense of humor! I go down to the bus station… I put my thing in a hole in the bathroom, and there’s some jokester on the other side, and we GOOF back and forth ‘cuz it’s DUMB!

Frankie: It’s a GAG! It’s HILARIOUS!

[ he stops to assist a woman picking up his car ]

Eddie: You know… like, with you and me.

Frankie: Thank you!

Eddie: We are lovers — we make love.

Frankie: Thank you!

Eddie: And, if we did get married, it would be to LAUGH at it!

Frankie: [ laughing ] We got gay-married! I would crack up!

[ Eddie drops to his knee and holds up a ring ]

Eddie: Hey, Frankie! Will you marry me?

Frankie: Ohhhhh, Eddie… this is the most hilarious goofball thing you’ve ever done! [ he takes the ring ] I do!

Eddie: [ stands ] Whoop-dee-doo! We’re engaged!

Frankie: Because it’s STU-PID!

[ they laugh, as Frankie whips out his cell phone ]

Eddie: Hey, who are you calling?

Frankie: My parents, to tell them the news. My mom’s gonna bust a GUT!

Eddie: They already know! I called and asked your father’s permission!

Frankie: You JERK! What did he say?

Eddie: He couldn’t stop laughing! [ a beat ] They’re getting us a panini bake.

Frankie: You registered us?!

Eddie: Williams Sonoma!

Frankie: Ohhhh! So, where we headed — Vermont?

Eddie: Massachusetts.

Frankie: Ohhh… hey, let’s go to that bed-and-breakfast at the herbalist home.

Eddie: One step ahead of you — I booked a room with the Franklin Star.

Frankie: Ohhhh, you silly bastard!

[ Eddie chuckles ]

Frankie: This is so stupid!

Eddie: The rest of our lives is gonna be so hilarious!

Frankie: [ grabs Eddie’s arm ] Come on! Let’s leave work!

[ the exit the scene, fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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