Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 9
November 22nd, 2008
The Big Three AutomakersSummary: Barney Frank (Fred Armisen) hears the proposed bailout request by Rick Wagoner (Will Forte) and the other big three automakers.
Recurring Characters: Barney Frank.
Tim McGraw’s MonologueSummary: Tim McGraw informs viewers tuning in just to hear Ludacris and T-Pain that country music is not that far removed from rap music, then performs “Good Man” to prove his point.
Clear RiteSummary: Karen (Kristen Wiig) practices a commercial for the adult retainer she invented.
DatelineSummary: Keith Morrison (Bill Hader) revels in the misery of his interview subjects.
Turkey ChaseSummary: A group of turkeys (Tim McGraw, Andy Samberg, Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis) outrun bullets before Thanksgiving.
Note: This sketch was cut from the dress rehearsal of the episode hosted by Ludacris two seasons earlier.
Live Another DeathSummary: It’s a showdown between James Bond (Bill Hader) vs. Le Chiffre (red Armisen) at a Texas Hold ‘Em table also occupied by redneck Dwayne (Tim McGraw).
Ludacris and T-Pain perform “Thr33 Rings”
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Bill Clinton (Darrell Hammond) is looking forward to being Husband of the Secretary of State. Arianna Huffington (Michaela Watkins) likens the war in Iraq to pornography. Zell Miller (Will Forte) supports a member of the opposite political party for not having a plain name.
Recurring Characters: Bill Clinton, Zell Miller.
Blizzard ManSummary: Ludacris dumps T-Pain so he can record his new album with the Blizzard Man (Andy Samberg).
Recurring Characters: Blizzard Man.
A Holiday Message From Jeff MontgomerySummary: Crazed Jeff Montgomery (Will Forte) invites himself to a group’s Thanksgiving dinner.
Recurring Characters: Jeff Montgomery.
Dale Britches’ Down-Home Phony Phone CallsSummary: Radio personality Dale Britches (Tim McGraw) advertises a CD collection of his show’s hilarious collection of polite-natured on-air prank calls.
Ludacris and T-Pain perform “Chopped & Skrewed”
Mark PayneSummary: Bartender Mark Payne (Bobby Moynihan) is obsessed with how sticky the bar countertop is.
Recurring Characters: Mark Payne.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
A Message From Rahm EmanuelSummary: White House Chief of Staff-Designate Rahm Emanuel (Andy Samberg) uses profanities in response to Minority Leader John Boehner’s opposition to his appointment to the Obama cabinet.
Recurring Characters: Rahm Emanuel.