Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 10
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
December 6th, 2008
John Malkovich
T.I.
None
Jamie-Lynn Sigler
Molly Sims
Justin Timberlake
Swizz Beatz
Jorma Taccone
A Message from the Secretary of State DesignateSummary: Newly-appointed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) swears she doesn’t hold a grudge against Barack Obama for getting to be president.
Note: Amy Poehler returns from maternity leave.
Recurring Characters: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton.
Transcript
Montage
John Malkovich’s MonologueSummary: John Malkovich reads “The Night Before Christmas” to a group of crew members’ children, but keeps interrupting the story to educate them about the real story behind the traditional tale.
First Hosted: 88j.
Transcript
Gas RightSummary: Bruce Johnson (Fred Armisen), the inventor of Breathe-Right, has stayed up late to create a sequel product that controls the flow of farts between one’s butt cheeks.
ShanaSummary: Office workers (Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson) are enamored by new girl Shana (Kristen Wiig), who possesses great sex appeal until she walks and talks.
Cool ObamaSummary: Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) points out just how cool he is.
Recurring Characters: Barack Obama.
Transcript
La Rivista Della TelevisioneSummary: Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews John Malkovich and shows a clip from his sex film “Being Vinny Vedecci”.
Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci, crew members.
Transcript
Virgania Horsen’s Pony ExpressSummary: Virgania Horsen (Kristen Wiig) offers an alternative to traditional mail services that could be under terrorist attack.
Recurring Characters: Virgania Horsen.
Transcript
TwinsSummary: All twin brothers Aiden (John Malkovich) and Paul (Fred Armisen) want for Christmas is a calculator.
Transcript
T.I. performs “Whatever You Like”
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Plaxico Burress (Kenan Thompson) gives gun-carrying tips, then accidentlaly shoots himself again. 9-year old David Rasmussen (Andy Samberg) offers tips on how to meet girls. Boy George (Fred Armisen) doesn’t see anything wrong with his recent crime arrest.
Recurring Characters: Boy George.
The Lost Works of Judy BlumeSummary: Awkward teenager Gertie (John Malkovich) harbors a secret she hopes won’t be revealed at a slumber party.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg sings about “Jizz In My Pants”.
Transcript
T.I. & Swizz Beatz perform “Swing Ya Rag”
J’accuziSummary: John Malkovich stars in a version of “Dangerous Liasions” that is set in a jacuzzi.
Transcript
GoodnightsTranscript
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