SNL Transcripts: John Malkovich: 12/06/08: Cool Obama

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 10

08j: John Malkovich / T.I.

Cool Obama

Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen

[ open on series of cool fonts ] [ SUPER: “and now… Barack Obama” ] [ Barack Obama steps toward chair within dark setting ]

Barack Obama: Hello. I’m Barack Obama. [ he sits ] For the past few weeks, my transition team and I have been in Chicago laying the groundwork for my presidency. One thing has become clear: no matter the circumstances, I… amd gonna keep cool.

[ SUPER: “COOL” ] [ background breaks into shades of blue-colored squares ]

Barack Obama: Examples? Let’s take Hillary Clinton. You remember her? She ran against me in the Democratic primary, and told superdelegates I couldn’t win in a general election. Hey, she brought up William Ayres before anyone. Did I exact political revenge? [ pause for coolness ] Nope. I brought her in. Why? Because… I keep it cool.

[ SUPER: “COOL” ] [ cut to 5 boxy split-screen images, two of the boxes filled with poses of Obama ]

Barack Obama: [ scat ]“I take my kids to school
I don’t lose my… temper
It’s my only rule
I keep it cool!”

[ cut to split-level blue-toned background ]

Barack Obama: And what about… Joe Lieberman? There’s a character. Supported John McCain. Even spoke at the Republican convention. And what did I do with Joe Lieberman? Did I strip him of his chairmanship, make him a pariah in his own party? [ coolly ] Nooooo, sir. I said let’s keep Joe close. Why? Because if given a choice… I choose cool.

[ SUPER: “COOL” ] [ Barack Obama steps toward chair within two-toned purple background ]

Barack Obama: And, then… there’s John McCain. Mmm mmm mmm. It would have been easy to turn my back on John McCain. But I didn’t. I sat down with him, and we announced we were gonna work together to take on the critical challenges facing this nation. So, why did I do it? I think you know the answer to that. I keep it cool.

[ SUPER: “COOL” ] [ cut to 5 boxy split-screen images, two of the boxes filled with poses of Obama and one of just his shoes ]

Barack Obama: [ scat ]“I never played the fool
Don’t like pol-i-tics as u-su-al
I keep it cool!”

[ cut to close-up of Obama on black background ]

Barack Obama: When I accomplish a mission, there isn’t going to be a banner. I’m just gonna do this: [ he stares coolly at the camera and nods ] [ SUPER: “Barack Obama” ]

Announcer: This has been a message from President-Elect… Barack Obama ]

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