SNL Transcripts: Rosario Dawson: 01/17/09: Aladdin Anniversary

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 13

08m: Rosario Dawson / Fleet Foxes

Aladdin Anniversary

Aladdin…..Jason Sudeikis
Jasmine…..Rosario Dawson

(fade in.)

Cut to: Open Night Sky, partly cloudy. Camera Zomms out and we see ALADDIN and JASMINE on the MAGIC CARPET.

Aladdin: Happy 10th anniversary, Jasmine.

Jasmine: Oh, Aladdin, this really takes me back. I can’t remember the last time we took the magic carpet for a spin.

Aladdin: (confused) What’s that supposed to mean?

Jasmine: Nothing, we just haven’t gone out in a while.

Aladdin: Yeah, well, whose fault is that?

Jasmine: (sighs)

Aladdin: I’m sorry, Happy anniversary.

Jasmine: You, too.

Music: “A whole new world”, from the animated motion picture “Aladdin” by the Walt Disney Company.

Aladdin: (sings)”I can hardly believeIt’s been ten years alreadyNow, tell me princessDid you imagine married life like this?”

Jasmine: (sings)”Fighting in front of friendsEating dinner in silenceHas it only been ten years?Cause it feels like eighty-five.”

Both: (sings)
“The spark is goneHow did we let things get so bad?We’d love to call it quitsBut we have kidsSo I guess we’re stuck in this charade.”

Jasmine: (spoken) I remember your carpet rides being a little more exciting. Flips and spins and stuff.

Aladdin: (spoken) Yeah, well, I guess we’re just carrying a little more weight these days!

Jasmine: (surprised, angry) I have three kids! What’s your excuse?

Aladdin: (angrily) Stress! Yeah, okay. Dr. Greenberg said we have to spend one romantic evening together per week. So, why don’t we just, you know, get this over with?

Jasmine: (angrily) Well, I wish you could hear yourself right now!

Aladdin: (angrily) Well, I wish I was dead! Well, guess what? I already used all my wishes!

Jasmine: Yeah, I noticed that you didn’t come home last night!

Aladdin: I was working, okay? I’m the sultan! Some of us on this carpet have jobs!

Jasmine: Oh, please! If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be an illiterate bread thief who hangs out with a monkey all day instead of an illiterate sultan who hangs out with a monkey all day!

Aladdin: (yells) He’s the prime minister!

Jasmine: (angrily) You`re an idiot! (sings) “I could`ve had a career!”

Aladdin: (sings) “Not this again!”

Jasmine: “My teacher said I have promise!”

“It was the Learning AnnexThey say that to everyone!”

Jasmine: “You’re just mad I won’t show you my poems!”

Aladdin: (spoken) I don’t want to see your stupid poems!

Jasmine: (spoken) Yeah, well, I don’t want to see your stupid genie friend crashing on our futon any more!

Aladdin: Yeah, he’s out of work. Give him a break, okay?

Jasmine: He was supposed to stay two weeks, it’s been ten years. And he never stops making these noises and jokes and these rapid fires and impressions, it’s exhausting!

Aladdin: If you hate the genie so much, then answer me this: How come one of our kids is blue?

Jasmine: (sings)”I slept with the Genie!It was the worst sex of my lifeHe talked the entire timeIn many voicesSome of them were borderline racist.”

Aladdin: Yeah, I know the ones. So, what do you want to do?

Jasmine: (spoken) Well, we can’t get a divorce, not in this economy.

Aladdin: (sighs)

Aladdin: (sings) “I guess we’re stuck…”

Jasmine: (sings) “Until the kids…”

Both: “Go off to…”

(Both sing at the same time)

Jasmine: “Vassar.”

Aladdin: “College.”

Aladdin: (spoken) No, no, no, I’m not going to have a kid go off to Vassar. I also had sex with the genie, by the way.

Jasmine: (spoken) Yeah, I know. He told me.

Aladdin: well, you know…

(fade out.)

Submitted by: Raffi

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