SNL Transcripts: Rosario Dawson: 01/17/09: Aladdin Anniversary


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 13

08m: Rosario Dawson / Fleet Foxes

Aladdin Anniversary

Aladdin…..Jason Sudeikis
Jasmine…..Rosario Dawson

(fade in.)

Cut to: Open Night Sky, partly cloudy. Camera Zomms out and we see ALADDIN and JASMINE on the MAGIC CARPET.

Aladdin: Happy 10th anniversary, Jasmine.

Jasmine: Oh, Aladdin, this really takes me back. I can’t remember the last time we took the magic carpet for a spin.

Aladdin: (confused) What’s that supposed to mean?

Jasmine: Nothing, we just haven’t gone out in a while.

Aladdin: Yeah, well, whose fault is that?

Jasmine: (sighs)

Aladdin: I’m sorry, Happy anniversary.

Jasmine: You, too.

Music: “A whole new world”, from the animated motion picture “Aladdin” by the Walt Disney Company.

Aladdin: (sings)”I can hardly believeIt’s been ten years alreadyNow, tell me princessDid you imagine married life like this?”

Jasmine: (sings)”Fighting in front of friendsEating dinner in silenceHas it only been ten years?Cause it feels like eighty-five.”

Both: (sings)
“The spark is goneHow did we let things get so bad?We’d love to call it quitsBut we have kidsSo I guess we’re stuck in this charade.”

Jasmine: (spoken) I remember your carpet rides being a little more exciting. Flips and spins and stuff.

Aladdin: (spoken) Yeah, well, I guess we’re just carrying a little more weight these days!

Jasmine: (surprised, angry) I have three kids! What’s your excuse?

Aladdin: (angrily) Stress! Yeah, okay. Dr. Greenberg said we have to spend one romantic evening together per week. So, why don’t we just, you know, get this over with?

Jasmine: (angrily) Well, I wish you could hear yourself right now!

Aladdin: (angrily) Well, I wish I was dead! Well, guess what? I already used all my wishes!

Jasmine: Yeah, I noticed that you didn’t come home last night!

Aladdin: I was working, okay? I’m the sultan! Some of us on this carpet have jobs!

Jasmine: Oh, please! If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be an illiterate bread thief who hangs out with a monkey all day instead of an illiterate sultan who hangs out with a monkey all day!

Aladdin: (yells) He’s the prime minister!

Jasmine: (angrily) You`re an idiot! (sings) “I could`ve had a career!”

Aladdin: (sings) “Not this again!”

Jasmine: “My teacher said I have promise!”

“It was the Learning AnnexThey say that to everyone!”

Jasmine: “You’re just mad I won’t show you my poems!”

Aladdin: (spoken) I don’t want to see your stupid poems!

Jasmine: (spoken) Yeah, well, I don’t want to see your stupid genie friend crashing on our futon any more!

Aladdin: Yeah, he’s out of work. Give him a break, okay?

Jasmine: He was supposed to stay two weeks, it’s been ten years. And he never stops making these noises and jokes and these rapid fires and impressions, it’s exhausting!

Aladdin: If you hate the genie so much, then answer me this: How come one of our kids is blue?

Jasmine: (sings)”I slept with the Genie!It was the worst sex of my lifeHe talked the entire timeIn many voicesSome of them were borderline racist.”

Aladdin: Yeah, I know the ones. So, what do you want to do?

Jasmine: (spoken) Well, we can’t get a divorce, not in this economy.

Aladdin: (sighs)

Aladdin: (sings) “I guess we’re stuck…”

Jasmine: (sings) “Until the kids…”

Both: “Go off to…”

(Both sing at the same time)

Jasmine: “Vassar.”

Aladdin: “College.”

Aladdin: (spoken) No, no, no, I’m not going to have a kid go off to Vassar. I also had sex with the genie, by the way.

Jasmine: (spoken) Yeah, I know. He told me.

Aladdin: well, you know…

(fade out.)

Submitted by: Raffi

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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