Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 14
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
January 31st, 2009
Steve Martin
Jason Mraz
None
Michael Daves
Craig Eastman
Britney Haas
Skip Ward
Colbie Caillat
None
A Message from the President of the United StatesSummary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) recalls the sweeter moments of Inauguration Day while struggling to discuss the economy and thwart an interruption from Joe Biden (Jason Sudeikis).
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Joe Biden.
Transcript
Montage
Steve Martin’s MonologueSummary: Steve Martin jokes about how he is able to stay connected with the average man.
Transcript
Chewable PampersSummary: The organic-enriched diaper that is eco-friendly and delicious.
Transcript
MacGruberSummary: MacGruber’s (Will Forte) ego clashes with new guy MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson).
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.
Transcript
IntrovertsSummary: Introverts Neil (Will Forte), Jean (Kristen Wiig), and Glenn (Steve Martin) venture into a sports bar to join in the Super Bowl viewing festivities.
Recurring Characters: Neil, Jean.
Transcript
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Using Steve Martin as their pawn, Andy Samberg and Bill Hader force Lorne Michaels to watch their presentation of “Laser Cats 4Ever”.
Transcript
IssuesSummary: Clarence Jurnegan (Kenan Thompson) tries to help his guests overcome the outward issues he thinks are bothering them.
Transcript
MacGruber IISummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) postpones defusing a bomb to wax poetic about Pepsi and change his name to Pepsuber.
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.
Transcript
Madoff InvitesSummary: Confimed to house arrest, Bernard Madoff (Fred Armisen) makes a series of calls to his buddies on the outside.
Recurring Characters: Bernard Madoff.
Steve and the LadiesSummary: As with the female cast members through the years before them, Casey wilson, Kristen Wiig, Mikaela Watson, and Abby Elliott cannot hide their fleeting attraction to Steve Martin.
Transcript
MacGruber IIISummary: Sellout MacGruber (Will Forte) can only speak the word “Pepsi”.
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Note: This filmed piece aired as an actual commercial for Pepsi in between the program.
Transcript
Jason Mraz performs “I’m Yours”Lyrics
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Impeached Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (Jason Sudeikis) lashes out upon his critics. Angelina Jolie (Abby Elliott) appears from out of nowhere, with greedy intentions, after Seth Meyers reads a story about the woman who gave birth to octuplets. Gov. David Paterson (Fred Armisen) makes crass comments about upstate New York while explaining his selection for Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat replacement.
Recurring Characters: Rod Blagojevich, Angelina Jolie, Gov. David Paterson.
Make-Up CounterSummary: As Thomas (Steve Martin) tends to a customer (Casey Wilson), his anoying wife (Kristen Wiig) repeatedly calls his name and reminds him that they are married.
Steve Martin performs “Late For School”Transcript
Forefathers Of The GameSummary: ESPN Classic profiles heat-packing 1930’s football champion Billy “The Gun” Van Goff (Steve Martin).
Transcript
Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat perform “Lucky”
GoodnightsTranscript
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