SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 01/31/09: MacGruber

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 14

08n: Steve Martin / Jason Mraz


MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
MacGyver… Richard Dean Anderson

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
The guy’s a freakin’ genius!”

[CUT to MacGruber in a karate pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: “MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!”

[CUT to an abandoned oil refinery. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Abandoned Oil Refinery.” CUT to a sign marked “Oil Refinery Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Vicky: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is welded shut! and from the looks of that dynamite we’ve got about 20 seconds!

MacGruber: Okay, just stay calm, because everything I need to defuse this bomb is inside this room… Vicky, toss me that pen cap!

Vicky: On the way, MacGruber!

MacGruber: New guy! What’s your name again?

MacGyver: [he turns around] MacGyver.

MacGruber: MacGyver? that’s a stupid name… Okay, MacGyver, pass me that tumbtack!

MacGyver: I’d go with the gum wrapper.

MacGruber: Well, MacGyver, you’re not MacGruber.

MacGyver: And I’m glad I’m not!

MacGruber: Good!

MacGyver: Good!

MacGruber: Good!

MacGyver: Good!

MacGruber: Good!… By the way, the 80’s called, they want their hair back.

MacGyver: Your hair is way more 80’s!

MacGruber: W-w-were running out of time!

Vicky: Five seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Vicky, hand me that Pepsi!

Vicky: Here you go!

MacGruber: [opens the Pepsi can] Get PEPSI BREAK!!!!

MacGyver: You just said we’re running out of time!

MacGruber: There’s always time… [shows the can to the camera] for Pep…

[CUT to the oil refinery exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

Submitted by: Ramon

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