Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 14
MacGyver… Richard Dean Anderson
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
The guys a freakin genius!”
[CUT to MacGruber in a karate pose against footage of flames.]
[CUT to an abandoned oil refinery. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Abandoned Oil Refinery.” CUT to a sign marked “Oil Refinery Control Room” as sirens wail.]
Vicky: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is welded shut! and from the looks of that dynamite we’ve got about 20 seconds!
MacGruber: Okay, just stay calm, because everything I need to defuse this bomb is inside this room… Vicky, toss me that pen cap!
Vicky: On the way, MacGruber!
MacGruber: New guy! What’s your name again?
MacGyver: [he turns around] MacGyver.
MacGruber: MacGyver? that’s a stupid name… Okay, MacGyver, pass me that tumbtack!
MacGyver: I’d go with the gum wrapper.
MacGruber: Well, MacGyver, you’re not MacGruber.
MacGyver: And I’m glad I’m not!
MacGruber: Good!… By the way, the 80’s called, they want their hair back.
MacGyver: Your hair is way more 80’s!
MacGruber: W-w-were running out of time!
Vicky: Five seconds, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Vicky, hand me that Pepsi!
Vicky: Here you go!
MacGruber: [opens the Pepsi can] Get PEPSI BREAK!!!!
MacGyver: You just said we’re running out of time!
MacGruber: There’s always time… [shows the can to the camera] for Pep…
[CUT to the oil refinery exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]
Submitted by: Ramon