SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 01/31/09: Chewable Pampers

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 14

08n: Steve Martin / Jason Mraz

Chewable Pampers

Mom…..Kristen Wiig
Dad…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on Mom playing Garden with her little one ]

Mom V/O: You care about your family… and you care about the Earth.

Mom: But, sometimes, it can seem like we have to make a choice between the two. [ she pulls a container of cloth diapers forward ] Cloth diapers are easy on the planet, but they’re messy and hard to clean. [ she pulls a stack of disposable diapers forward ] Disposable diapers are a snap, but I want to leave a better world for this little one. Now, there’s another way: [ she places product on countertop ] Introducing Chewable Pampers. It’s all the convenience of a disposable diaper in an eco-friendly package!

You see, Chewable Pampers are 100% edible. They’re made from easily digestible vegetable fibers. So clean-up is all-natural… and no hassle.

Chewable Pampers are super-absorbent… AND super-delicious! [ she holds up a flake and pops it in her mouth ] Mmm! The secret is out anti-bacterial flavor crystals. They activate on contact, and, in no time, the full diaper is safe to eat and irresistable. In great flavors like: tangy cheddar, spicy lentil and corn chowder. You can smell when it’s working! [ she holds an open diaper and takes a heavy whiff ] Mmm! Almost ready!

Chewable Pampers are ALL great taste, and no waste.

[ reveal pot pie coming out of oven ]

Mom V/O: Baked into a savory, organic pot pie.

[ reveal a pot of stew on the stove ]

Mom V/O: As part of a flavorful, nutritious stew.

[ reveal Mom pouring contents of garbage can into a salad bowl, as two of her kids run into the kitchen ]

Girl: Mommy, we’re hungry!

Mom: Well, look in the bowl.

Kids: [ excited ] Chewable Pampers!!

[ Dad enters the kitchen ]

Dad: Hi! What’s that smell?

[ sniffing the baby’s bottom ] Oooh! Dinner!

[ cut to product ]

Mom V/O: Chewable Pampers. The favorite of mothers everywhere — even Mother Nature.

[ cut to the family dog jumping onto the counter and swiping a used diaper from the salad bowl ] [ fade ]

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