SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 01/31/09: Chewable Pampers


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 14

08n: Steve Martin / Jason Mraz

Chewable Pampers

Mom…..Kristen Wiig
Dad…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on Mom playing Garden with her little one ]

Mom V/O: You care about your family… and you care about the Earth.

Mom: But, sometimes, it can seem like we have to make a choice between the two. [ she pulls a container of cloth diapers forward ] Cloth diapers are easy on the planet, but they’re messy and hard to clean. [ she pulls a stack of disposable diapers forward ] Disposable diapers are a snap, but I want to leave a better world for this little one. Now, there’s another way: [ she places product on countertop ] Introducing Chewable Pampers. It’s all the convenience of a disposable diaper in an eco-friendly package!

You see, Chewable Pampers are 100% edible. They’re made from easily digestible vegetable fibers. So clean-up is all-natural… and no hassle.

Chewable Pampers are super-absorbent… AND super-delicious! [ she holds up a flake and pops it in her mouth ] Mmm! The secret is out anti-bacterial flavor crystals. They activate on contact, and, in no time, the full diaper is safe to eat and irresistable. In great flavors like: tangy cheddar, spicy lentil and corn chowder. You can smell when it’s working! [ she holds an open diaper and takes a heavy whiff ] Mmm! Almost ready!

Chewable Pampers are ALL great taste, and no waste.

[ reveal pot pie coming out of oven ]

Mom V/O: Baked into a savory, organic pot pie.

[ reveal a pot of stew on the stove ]

Mom V/O: As part of a flavorful, nutritious stew.

[ reveal Mom pouring contents of garbage can into a salad bowl, as two of her kids run into the kitchen ]

Girl: Mommy, we’re hungry!

Mom: Well, look in the bowl.

Kids: [ excited ] Chewable Pampers!!

[ Dad enters the kitchen ]

Dad: Hi! What’s that smell?

[ sniffing the baby’s bottom ] Oooh! Dinner!

[ cut to product ]

Mom V/O: Chewable Pampers. The favorite of mothers everywhere — even Mother Nature.

[ cut to the family dog jumping onto the counter and swiping a used diaper from the salad bowl ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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