SNL Transcripts: Bradley Cooper: 02/07/09: An SNL Digital Short



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 15





08o: Bradley Cooper / TV On The Radio

An SNL Digital Short

…..Andy Samberg
…..Akiva Schaffer
…..Jorma Taccone
…..T-Pain

[ open on The Lonely Island dudes sitting at a breakfast table ] [ Andy Samberg pours a bowl of cereal and discovers the prize within ]

Andy Samberg: [ excited ] Whoa! Free boat ride for three! [ he looks at his buddies ] Now… who should I take? Akiva…

Akiva Schaffer: Yes!

Andy Samberg: And… T-Pain!

T-Pain: Cool!

[ imagine Jorma’s disappointment ] [ cut to Andy, Akiva, and T-Pain performing their video aboard a boat ]

Andy, Akiva, T-Pain: [ singing ]“Aww shit, get your towels ready it’s about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let’s go

I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)

I’m on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t stop me motherfucker cause I’m on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I’m on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it’s so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flipping copies

I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, motherfucker, don’t you ever forget

I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
then you’re sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!!!

Fuck land, I’m on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I’m on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat
It’s a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)

Never thought I’d see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say
I fucked a mermaid

I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (woaah)
I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin’ boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)!”

Submitted by: Jordan Anderson

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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