Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 15
08o: Bradley Cooper / TV On The Radio
An SNL Digital Short
…..Andy Samberg
…..Akiva Schaffer
…..Jorma Taccone
…..T-Pain
[ open on The Lonely Island dudes sitting at a breakfast table ]
[ Andy Samberg pours a bowl of cereal and discovers the prize within ]
Andy Samberg: [ excited ] Whoa! Free boat ride for three! [ he looks at his buddies ] Now… who should I take? Akiva…
Akiva Schaffer: Yes!
Andy Samberg: And… T-Pain!
T-Pain: Cool!
[ imagine Jorma’s disappointment ]
[ cut to Andy, Akiva, and T-Pain performing their video aboard a boat ]
Andy, Akiva, T-Pain: [ singing ]
“Aww shit, get your towels ready it’s about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let’s go
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)
I’m on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t stop me motherfucker cause I’m on a boat
Take a picture, trick (trick)
I’m on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it’s so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flipping copies
I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, motherfucker, don’t you ever forget
I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
then you’re sure not me-oh
Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!!!
Fuck land, I’m on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I’m on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker
Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible
Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat
It’s a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I’d see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say
I fucked a mermaid
I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (woaah)
I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin’ boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)!”
Submitted by: Jordan Anderson
