Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 16
February 14th, 2009
Republican Congressional Leadership MeetingSummary: In-denial Republican leaders look for fault in President Obama’s latest speech.
Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Audience members overlook Alec Baldwin so they can fawn over “30 Rock” co-star Jack McBrayer.
The Fourth Jonas BrotherSummary: During a recording session, The Jonas Brothers decide to kick their lame fourth brother, Gary (Alec Baldwin), out of the group.
The Cougar DenSummary: Jacqueline Seka (Kristen Wiig), and Toni Ward (Casey Wilson) welcome back their pal Kiki Deamore (Cameron Diaz), who has co-written a book on picking up young dudes with cou-gay Blaine (Alec Baldwin).
Recurring Characters: Toni Ward, Jacqueline Seka, Kenneth, Kiki Deamore.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg discovers ancient videotape footage of The Jonas Brothers when they performed as Property of the Queen during the 1980’s.
Sir Mix-a-Lot’s PhotoshopSummary: Sir Mix-a-Lot (Kenan Thompson).
Jonas Brothers perform “Tonight”Lyrics
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Financial expert Oscar Rogers (Kenan Thompson) still thinks the solution to the economic crisis is to “Fix it!”
Recurring Characters: Oscar Rogers, Angelina Jolie.
Vincent Price’s Valentine’s Day SpecialSummary: Vincent Price (Bill Hader) endures domestic strife between lovebirds Richard burton (Alec Baldwin) and Elizabeth Taylor (Casey Wilson) on his 1966 Valentine’s Day special.
Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, Liberace.
High-Profile ProjectSummary: Carl (Will Forte), Jerry (Bill Hader), and Troy (Alec Baldwin) can’t seem to synchronize their schedules in order to complete their high-profile project.
Recurring Characters: Carl, Jerry.
Warrior ShakeSummary: Dad (Alec Baldwin) finds masturbatory pleasure in his kids’ (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader) favorite Wii game.
Jonas Brothers performs “Video Girl”Lyrics
Chewable PampersSummary: The organic-enriched diaper that is eco-friendly and delicious.
Note: Repeat from 08n.
Virgania Horsen’s Hot-Air Balloon RidesSummary: Trying not to rub it in anyone’s face, Virgania Horsen (Kristen Wiig) advertises rides on her hot air balloon.
Note: Repeat from 07e.
Alec Baldwin’s Acting Techniques for ActorsSummary: Alec Baldwin demonstrates the acting prowess of a cinematic “first cough”.