SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 02/14/09


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 16

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

February 14th, 2009

Alec Baldwin

Jonas Brothers


Dan Aykroyd

Jack McBrayer

Cameron Diaz

Hailey Baldwin

Alia Baldwin


Republican Congressional Leadership MeetingSummary: In-denial Republican leaders look for fault in President Obama’s latest speech.



Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Audience members overlook Alec Baldwin so they can fawn over “30 Rock” co-star Jack McBrayer.


The Fourth Jonas BrotherSummary: During a recording session, The Jonas Brothers decide to kick their lame fourth brother, Gary (Alec Baldwin), out of the group.


The Cougar DenSummary: Jacqueline Seka (Kristen Wiig), and Toni Ward (Casey Wilson) welcome back their pal Kiki Deamore (Cameron Diaz), who has co-written a book on picking up young dudes with cou-gay Blaine (Alec Baldwin).

Recurring Characters: Toni Ward, Jacqueline Seka, Kenneth, Kiki Deamore.


An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg discovers ancient videotape footage of The Jonas Brothers when they performed as Property of the Queen during the 1980’s.


Sir Mix-a-Lot’s PhotoshopSummary: Sir Mix-a-Lot (Kenan Thompson).


Jonas Brothers perform “Tonight”Lyrics

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Financial expert Oscar Rogers (Kenan Thompson) still thinks the solution to the economic crisis is to “Fix it!”

Recurring Characters: Oscar Rogers, Angelina Jolie.


Vincent Price’s Valentine’s Day SpecialSummary: Vincent Price (Bill Hader) endures domestic strife between lovebirds Richard burton (Alec Baldwin) and Elizabeth Taylor (Casey Wilson) on his 1966 Valentine’s Day special.

Recurring Characters: Vincent Price, Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, Liberace.


High-Profile ProjectSummary: Carl (Will Forte), Jerry (Bill Hader), and Troy (Alec Baldwin) can’t seem to synchronize their schedules in order to complete their high-profile project.

Recurring Characters: Carl, Jerry.


Warrior ShakeSummary: Dad (Alec Baldwin) finds masturbatory pleasure in his kids’ (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader) favorite Wii game.


Jonas Brothers performs “Video Girl”Lyrics

Chewable PampersSummary: The organic-enriched diaper that is eco-friendly and delicious.

Note: Repeat from 08n.

Virgania Horsen’s Hot-Air Balloon RidesSummary: Trying not to rub it in anyone’s face, Virgania Horsen (Kristen Wiig) advertises rides on her hot air balloon.

Note: Repeat from 07e.

Alec Baldwin’s Acting Techniques for ActorsSummary: Alec Baldwin demonstrates the acting prowess of a cinematic “first cough”.




SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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