SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 02/14/09: Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Photoshop



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 16






08p: Alec Baldwin / Jonas Brothers

Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Photoshop

Sir Mix a Lot….Kenan Thompson
Friend 1….Casey Wilson
Friend 2….Abby Elliott
Photo Shop employee 1….Will Forte
Photo Shop employee 2….Bobby Moynihan

(Opens with photos of attractive women in their clothes and a later photo of them wearing bikinis)

Sir Mix a Lot: Look at this women, look at this women, man! I know what you´re thinking. Do they really look like this? Well the answer is no. This photos have been professionally retouched and I know what else you´re thinking. Where´s the butt?

(cut to 90´s rapper Sir Mix a Lot behind the counter of his photo shop. He wears a goatee, black leather jacket, hat. An instrumental track of his hit “Baby Got Back” plays throughout the skit)

Sir Mix a Lot: Hi, how you doing? I´m Sir Mix a Lot. Now, I may have quit making hits but I never quit liking big butts. That´s why I opened Sir Mix a Lot´s Photo Shop.

(logo of Sir Mix a Lot´s Photo Shop)

Sir Mix a Lot: (rapping to the groove of “Baby got Back”) Because we´re the only photo lab, specializing in butt affairs. We take your fondest memories and make them even fonder (photos of girls with normal backsides, a later picture of the girls show the girls with rounder and meatier butts) We take the roundest bottoms and make them even rounder, we take your order quickly, professional and efficiently, you can drop it, leave it, and then pull up quick to retrieve it!

(cut to 2 girlfriends talking holding a photo)

Friend 1: Oh…my….God! Becky, look at my butt! It is so big…and I love it.

(shows photo of herself with a big ass)

Friend 1 and 2: Thanks, Sir Mix a Lot!

Sir Mix a Lot: Yeah, we handle all kinds of blemishes. Acne? (photo of a girl with acne) Bam! (the girl has now a butt big) No one will notice her acne now. Wrinkles? (photo of an old lady) Kapow! (old lady has big, big ass now) Who can focus on wrinkles with an ass like that? Or say you want to pop someone out of a photo perhaps after a messy divorce.(a photo of a bride and groom dancing on their wedding reception, suddenly the bride´s butt is so big that hides the groom) Kaboom! Ho-ho, looks like someone´s back in the game! And here in Sir Mix a Lot´s photo shop we put every photo through a rigorous evaluation process. And to ensure that the butt is large enough, I show each and every photo to Sniffles, my pet Anaconda. (shows photo to an Anaconda snake in a fish tank) Cause you see…(rapping to “Baby Got Back”) my Anaconda don´t want none, unless you got buns, hon´! Yeah, he likes it. And you´ll like our two for one sale or better known as the”Ugh, Double up, Ugh, Ugh!” special. So come to my photo shop…(rapping again to his hit) if you need to get your photos cropped, if your photos needs recycling, or a little extra thigh, hey fellas!

(two employees with visors and photo lab´s aprons)

Employee 1 and 2: Yeah?!

Sir Mix a Lot: Fellas?!

Employee 1 and 2: Yeah?!

Sir Mix a Lot: Is this an expert photo shop?!

Employee 1 and 2: Hells, yeah!

Sir Mix a Lot: Then take it!

Employee 1 and 2: Take it!

Sir Mix a Lot: Take it!

Employee 1 and 2: Take it!

Sir Mix a Lot: Take this photo and enhance the butt! Baby wants back!

(Sir Mix a Lot´s photo shop logo. We enhance your butt)

Announcer: Sir Mix a Lot´s photo shop. Come on down and we´ll enhance your butt.

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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