SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 02/14/09: Warrior Shake



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 16






08p: Alec Baldwin / Jonas Brothers

Warrior Shake

Dad…..Alec Baldwin
Brother 1…..Jason Sudeikis
Brother 2…..Bill Hader
Mom…..Michaela Watkins

(Opens with an outside shot of a suburban house at night. Cut to the basement of the house. Two brothers play a Wii video game on TV.)

Brother 1: Good, good , good. There you go.

Brother 2: Uh-huh…

(Video game sounds, steady beeping. Brother 1 instructs Brother 2 and he shakes the control with his two hands)

Brother 1: Go up there, now good…you got it, ok, there you go.

(Dad comes down the stairs to the basement)

Dad: Hey, guys…your mother just made dinner.

Brother 1: Hey, Dad.

Dad: Let´s try and wrap it up.

Brother 1: Ok. Oh dad, you got to try this! Its an awesome game from the Wii. Ok, get the sack of coins. (Brother 2 keeps shaking the control, more beeping) Ok, now shake it! There you go.

(Brother 2 shakes the remote, beeps faster, coins jingling. Game stops)

Dad: What the hell is this thing?

Brother 1: Its called “Warrior Shake”. You´re that little dude running around and you attack your enemies by shaking the hell out of them.

Brother 2: There you go.

Brother 1: Or you can shake stacks of coins for more points. You want to try?

Dad: Oh, no. I wouldn´t know.

Brother 2: Come on, dad. Try it. Its great.

Dad: Oh, ok. All right.

(Dad gets the game´s remote control)

Brother 1: There you go.

Dad: So, I´m little fat guy?

Brother 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Brother 2: Grab that sack right there. (points TV)

Dad: Like this? (game starts, video game sounds)

Brother 2: Now shake the coins out…shake!

Brother 1: There you go, you got it.

Dad: Like this? (dad plays with the remote with both hands)

Brother 2: Yeah, you´re getting a few, there you go.

Brother 1: Yeah, dad, you really want to shake it if you want the coins.

Dad: Ok, I´m trying.

Brother 1: Come on, shake it, shake it!

Dad: Like this? (dad takes the Wii´s remote with his right hand and begins to shake it vigorously in a vertical motion in front of his groin) How about this?!

(Video game beeping increases )

Brother 1: There you go!

Dad: Yeah!

Brother 1: That´s right!

(The two brothers get more excited as dad whacks away the Wii´s remote )

Brother 2: There you go!

Dad: Yeah!

Brothers: Yeah!

Dad: Yeah!, yeah!

Brother 1: That´s right!

Dad: Oooh, oooh, oooh, man!

(Game climaxes, coins jingling, game stops)

Brother 2: That´s the most coins I´ve ever seen!

Dad: Not bad for an old man, huh?

Brother 1: No, no. How did you do that?

Dad: Oh, I don´t know. I just did what came natural.

Brother 2: Do it again, do it again.

Dad: Oh, I don´t think I could do it again so soon.

Brother 1: Oh, come on, dad. You gotta try.

Dad: Ok, can I use my other hand?

Brother 1: Sure, yeah, yeah…

Brother 2: Oh, there´s a huge sack of coins. (points TV)

Brother 1: Ok, there you go. Daddy, grab that sack and shake, shake, there you go.

(Game restarts, video game beeping, dad whacks away at the Wii´s remote with his left hand)

Dad: Ok, whoa, it feels so weird. Its like someone else is playing. I´m gonna switch hands. (switches to his right hand and whacks away the Wii´s remote) There we go!

Brother 1: There we go! Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Dad: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

(The brothers get excited, dad whacks away Wii´s remote near his groin furiously)

Dad: Watch what I´m doing! Oh, Wow! ( Climax, coins jingling, game stops) That was incredible! I didn´t know video games were like this. Hey, can we do two players?

Brother 1: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah…(grabs the second player remote)

Dad: Show me your technique.

Brother 1: Ok. All right.

Brother 2: There a massive sack of coins right there. (points TV)

Dad: Oh, I saw it before you did. Let’s go! (game restarts, video game beeping) Shake!

Brother 2: Shake it!

Dad: Shake! (Brother 1 and Dad whack away on the Wii´s remotes. Brother 1 grabs the remote with his hand over it instead of under it) Yeah, I´m gonna empty my sack before you do!

Brother 1: Bring it on, dad!

Brother 2: Go!, Go!, Go!, Go!

Dad: Come on! (Dad looks at Brother 1´s technique) You´re not doing it right!

Brother 1: What do you mean?

Dad: Stop being so gentle with that thing! Here, let me show you.

(Dad grabs both Wii´s remotes and whacks away hard)

Dad and Brothers 1 and 2: Oh!, oh!, oh!, oh!, oh!

(Dad whacks away his remote in front of his groin and the other in front of Brother 1´s groin. Video game beeping, the three are excited as hell)

(Mom comes down the stairs)

Mom: Boys! Boys! What´s going on down here?

(Dad whacks away on both Wii´s remotes located in front of both brother´s groin)

Brother 1: Hold up, Mom! Don´t come down! Don´t come down!

(Dad whacks away like a madman)

Dad: WE´RE COMING! WE´RE COMING! OH, LOOK HONEY, I´M PLAYING WITH MY Wii-i-i-i-i!!!

(Game climax, coins jingling, dad and the brothers drop in the couch behind them)

Mom: Oh, my God! Oh, my goodness! You guys were having fun.

Dad: Oh, honey. You got to try this.

Brother 1: Yeah, all you gotta do is…

Dad: Oh, trust me. Your mother´s gonna be a natural.

(Game restarts. Mom grabs the Wii´s remote and jerks it up and down up to her face)

Mom: All right. Here we go. Whoo!

Brother 1: Nice.

(Cut to outside the house again)

(Cheers and applause)

(fade)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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