Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 16
08p: Alec Baldwin / Jonas Brothers
Brother 1…..Jason Sudeikis
Brother 2…..Bill Hader
(Opens with an outside shot of a suburban house at night. Cut to the basement of the house. Two brothers play a Wii video game on TV.)
Brother 1: Good, good , good. There you go.
Brother 2: Uh-huh…
(Video game sounds, steady beeping. Brother 1 instructs Brother 2 and he shakes the control with his two hands)
Brother 1: Go up there, now good…you got it, ok, there you go.
(Dad comes down the stairs to the basement)
Dad: Hey, guys…your mother just made dinner.
Brother 1: Hey, Dad.
Dad: Let´s try and wrap it up.
Brother 1: Ok. Oh dad, you got to try this! Its an awesome game from the Wii. Ok, get the sack of coins. (Brother 2 keeps shaking the control, more beeping) Ok, now shake it! There you go.
(Brother 2 shakes the remote, beeps faster, coins jingling. Game stops)
Dad: What the hell is this thing?
Brother 1: Its called “Warrior Shake”. You´re that little dude running around and you attack your enemies by shaking the hell out of them.
Brother 2: There you go.
Brother 1: Or you can shake stacks of coins for more points. You want to try?
Dad: Oh, no. I wouldn´t know.
Brother 2: Come on, dad. Try it. Its great.
Dad: Oh, ok. All right.
(Dad gets the game´s remote control)
Brother 1: There you go.
Dad: So, I´m little fat guy?
Brother 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Brother 2: Grab that sack right there. (points TV)
Dad: Like this? (game starts, video game sounds)
Brother 2: Now shake the coins out…shake!
Brother 1: There you go, you got it.
Dad: Like this? (dad plays with the remote with both hands)
Brother 2: Yeah, you´re getting a few, there you go.
Brother 1: Yeah, dad, you really want to shake it if you want the coins.
Dad: Ok, I´m trying.
Brother 1: Come on, shake it, shake it!
Dad: Like this? (dad takes the Wii´s remote with his right hand and begins to shake it vigorously in a vertical motion in front of his groin) How about this?!
(Video game beeping increases )
Brother 1: There you go!
Brother 1: That´s right!
(The two brothers get more excited as dad whacks away the Wii´s remote )
Brother 2: There you go!
Dad: Yeah!, yeah!
Brother 1: That´s right!
Dad: Oooh, oooh, oooh, man!
(Game climaxes, coins jingling, game stops)
Brother 2: That´s the most coins I´ve ever seen!
Dad: Not bad for an old man, huh?
Brother 1: No, no. How did you do that?
Dad: Oh, I don´t know. I just did what came natural.
Brother 2: Do it again, do it again.
Dad: Oh, I don´t think I could do it again so soon.
Brother 1: Oh, come on, dad. You gotta try.
Dad: Ok, can I use my other hand?
Brother 1: Sure, yeah, yeah…
Brother 2: Oh, there´s a huge sack of coins. (points TV)
Brother 1: Ok, there you go. Daddy, grab that sack and shake, shake, there you go.
(Game restarts, video game beeping, dad whacks away at the Wii´s remote with his left hand)
Dad: Ok, whoa, it feels so weird. Its like someone else is playing. I´m gonna switch hands. (switches to his right hand and whacks away the Wii´s remote) There we go!
Brother 1: There we go! Yeah! Oh, yeah!
Dad: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
(The brothers get excited, dad whacks away Wii´s remote near his groin furiously)
Dad: Watch what I´m doing! Oh, Wow! ( Climax, coins jingling, game stops) That was incredible! I didn´t know video games were like this. Hey, can we do two players?
Brother 1: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah…(grabs the second player remote)
Dad: Show me your technique.
Brother 1: Ok. All right.
Brother 2: There a massive sack of coins right there. (points TV)
Dad: Oh, I saw it before you did. Let’s go! (game restarts, video game beeping) Shake!
Brother 2: Shake it!
Dad: Shake! (Brother 1 and Dad whack away on the Wii´s remotes. Brother 1 grabs the remote with his hand over it instead of under it) Yeah, I´m gonna empty my sack before you do!
Brother 1: Bring it on, dad!
Brother 2: Go!, Go!, Go!, Go!
Dad: Come on! (Dad looks at Brother 1´s technique) You´re not doing it right!
Brother 1: What do you mean?
Dad: Stop being so gentle with that thing! Here, let me show you.
(Dad grabs both Wii´s remotes and whacks away hard)
Dad and Brothers 1 and 2: Oh!, oh!, oh!, oh!, oh!
(Dad whacks away his remote in front of his groin and the other in front of Brother 1´s groin. Video game beeping, the three are excited as hell)
(Mom comes down the stairs)
Mom: Boys! Boys! What´s going on down here?
(Dad whacks away on both Wii´s remotes located in front of both brother´s groin)
Brother 1: Hold up, Mom! Don´t come down! Don´t come down!
(Dad whacks away like a madman)
Dad: WE´RE COMING! WE´RE COMING! OH, LOOK HONEY, I´M PLAYING WITH MY Wii-i-i-i-i!!!
(Game climax, coins jingling, dad and the brothers drop in the couch behind them)
Mom: Oh, my God! Oh, my goodness! You guys were having fun.
Dad: Oh, honey. You got to try this.
Brother 1: Yeah, all you gotta do is…
Dad: Oh, trust me. Your mother´s gonna be a natural.
(Game restarts. Mom grabs the Wii´s remote and jerks it up and down up to her face)
Mom: All right. Here we go. Whoo!
Brother 1: Nice.
(Cut to outside the house again)
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel