Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 17
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
March 7th, 2009
Dwayne Johnson
Ray LaMontagne
None
Richard Dean Anderson
Justin Timberlake
Jessica Biel
John Mulaney
A Message from the Secretary of the TreasurySummary: Timothy Geithner (Will Forte) invites voters to suggest a better financial plan.
Transcript
Montage
Dwayne Johnson’s MonologueSummary: Dwayne Johnson proves his toughness with a well-choreographed song=and-dance number.
First Hosted: 99o.
MacGruberSummary: MacGruber’s (Will Forte) ego clashes with new guy MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson).
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Transcript
The Rock ObamaSummary: Rahm Emanuel imagines that President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) has the ability to become angry and morph into The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) Obama during a visit from Republican senators.
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Rahm Emanuel, Sen. John McCain.
Transcript
MacGruberSummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) is mad that dad MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) abandoned him as a child.
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Transcript
Activia Commercial ShootSummary: Jamie Lee Curtis (Kristen Wiig) enjoys soiling her pants during an Activia commercial shoot.
Recurring Characters: Jamie Lee Curtis.
Hawaiian BarSummary: Hawaiian musicians (Fred Armisen, Dwayne Johnson) mock tourists in search of an authentic island experience.
Transcript
MacGruberSummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) swears he’ll take a dump on dad MacGyver’s (Richard Dean Anderson) ashes after he dies.
Recurring Characters: MacGruber, Vicky.
Transcript
Ray LaMontagne performs “You Are The Best Thing”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Republican Party President Michael Steele (Kenan Thompson) makes excuses for having apologized to Rush Limbaugh. Comics page character Cathy (Andy Samberg) acks when her husband Irving (Justin Timberlake) runs off with Jessica Rabbit (Jessica Biel). Jon Bovi (Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte) feel no shame in being a Bon Jovi Opposite Band.
Recurring Characters: Cathy, Jon Bovi.
Game Time With Dave And GregSummary: Dave Delmonte’s (Dwayne Johnson) efforts to convince callers that co-host Greg (Bill Hader) is not an alien prove to be fruitless.
Transcript
Apprentice Commercial ShootSummary: Donald Trump (Darrell Hammond) promotes his latest incarnation of “Celebrity Apprentice”.
Recurring Characters: Donald Trump, Tom Green, Joan Rivers.
Ray LaMontagne performs “Trouble”
Lighthouse DateSummary: A guy (Dwayne Johnson) who lives in a lighthouse turns down the lights to woo a date (Kristen Wiig) and leaves sea-faring individuals stranded on the rocks below.
Transcript
GoodnightsTranscript
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