Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 17
The Rock Obama
President Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen
Rahm Emanuel…..Andy Samberg
Sen. John McCain…..Darrell Hammond
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison…..Kristen Wiig
Sen. Tom Coburn…..Will Forte
The Rock Obama…..Dwayne Johnson
President Barack Obama: So! Who do we have coming in today, Rahm?
Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn, Mr. President. They’re representing the Republicans, who are blocking OUR spending bill for being too “pork-filled”!
President Barack Obama: Now, uh… calm down, Rahm.
Rahm Emanuel: If I may, Mr. President: I sometimes think you’re too calm. You need to get angry!
President Barack Obama: Yeah, getting angry is your game, Rahm. Send them in.[ Emanuel opens the office door and lets the senators in ]
President Barack Obama: Senators! Thank you for coming in.[ the three senators sit perpendicular to Obama on a couch ]
Sen. John McCain: Thank you, Mr. President.
President Barack Obama: Now, uh — I brought you here because it’s important we get this… omnibus bill passed.
Sen. Tom Coburn: Yeah, but, With all due respect… we know it’s important, Mr. President. But we have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, we, we can’t let American drift into Socialism![ Obama holds a stern look on his face ]
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Get angry!
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: And, uh — [ she laughs nervously ] not to get critical, but you have been President almost seven weeks. Isn’t it about time you fixed the economy? [ she chuckles ] [ eerie music plays, as Obama begins to blink his eyes rapidly ]
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] That’s it! Get angry!
Sen. John McCain: [ mockingly ] Mr. President, while the policies of the previous administration may have had somthing to do with this crisis… it’s YOUR responsibility now![ Obama rubs his temple in frustration ]
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Yes! Get mad! GET MAD!!
Sen. John McCain: And, my friend… I’m starting to think you may not be up to it![ Obama begins to shake violently ]
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Mr. President! Are you okay?![ cut to pre-filmed close-up footage of Obama bursting through his clothes, a la The Incredible Hulk ] [ reveal that a muscular Obama with torn clothing is now being played by Dwayne Johnson, who screams ] [ the senators react with terror ]
Sen. Tom Coburn: Oh, my God! What happened?!
Rahm Emanuel: [ smugly ] What happened was… you made Barack Obama angry! And when you make Barack Obama angry, he turns into… The Rock Obama![ title card appears over Obama ]
Sen. Tom Coburn: The Rock Obama?
The Rock Obama: [ clears his throat ] Now, uh… don’t be alarmed. The Rock Obama, much like, uh… Barack Obama. Only stronger, and, uh… more impulsive. Now! Where were we? [ he points to the cowering Coburn ] Little man in suit.
Sen. Tom Coburn: [ nerves shattered ] Uh — uh — yes, well — uh — uh — I guess what I, what I was just saying was there is, you know, some special projects in this bill that just don’t… smell… right to me.
The Rock Obama: Hmm. Is interesting point, but, uh… me no like![ Obama springs to his feet and grabs Coburn by the scruff of his neck ]
Sen. Tom Coburn: Whoa-oa! What’s going on?![ Obama flings Coburn through the plate glass window ] [ Emanuel smiles enthusiastically ]
The Rock Obama: Okay! Up next. [ points to Hutchison ] Lady?
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ gasping for breath ] Sorry, I’m a little nervous.
The Rock Obama: [ grins sheepishly ] Don’t be nervous. Uhhh… just be nice.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Well, uh… well, I understand your desire to pass this bill — quickly.
The Rock Obama: [ bored, he stands ] Hmmmm… uh, up.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Okay. [ she rises ]
The Rock Obama: Uh, turn.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ scared ] Yes. [ she turns, and he scoops her up in his arms ] Nooooo!!![ Obama drops her out of the window ]
Sen. John McCain: [ whispering ] Rahm! Do something!
Rahm Emanuel: It’s the first floor. Don’t worry about it.
The Rock Obama: Okay. Uh — old man? Uhhhhh — you go now![ suddenly, the phone rings. Obama picks up ]
The Rock Obama: Hello? — Ah huh? — AIG needs more money? — Ah ha. — Forty billion? — Ah ha. — Well, uh, you listen to this: [ he smashes the receiver into the phone, breaking it into thousands of pieces ] Now, uh — where were we?
Sen. John McCain: Uhhhh… [ chuckling nervously ] I was just saying that you’re not going to have… any… more problems from me!
The Rock Obama: Ahhh! Is good!
Sen. John McCain: Can I show myself out?
The Rock Obama: Yes! Out window!
Sen. John McCain: [ to Emanuel ] Is he joking?
Rahm Emanuel: Nope! See you later… my friend![ McCain sits on the ledge, then drops himself backwards through the window ] [ the image dissolves to reveal itself as a dream sequence ] [ Obama shakes Emanuel awake from the dream ]
President Barack Obama: Rahm? Rahm? Rahm! Rahm, wake up!
Rahm Emanuel: [ groggily ] Wha..?
President Barack Obama: You dozed off, Rahm.
Rahm Emanuel: Oh. Sorry, Mr. President. I was having the most wonderful dream!
President Barack Obama: Well, now it’s back to work. Who’s up next?
Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn. Will you please get angry?
President Barack Obama: Nope!
Rahm Emanuel: Please?
President Barack Obama: Nope!
Rahm Emanuel: Is this getting you angry?
President Barack Obama: Nope![ cut to exterior, White House front ] [ fade ]