Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 17
The Rock Obama
President Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen
Rahm Emanuel…..Andy Samberg
Sen. John McCain…..Darrell Hammond
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison…..Kristen Wiig
Sen. Tom Coburn…..Will Forte
The Rock Obama…..Dwayne Johnson
[ open on exterior, White House front ] [ dissolve to interior, Oval Office ]
President Barack Obama: So! Who do we have coming in today, Rahm?
Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn, Mr. President. They’re representing the Republicans, who are blocking OUR spending bill for being too “pork-filled”!
President Barack Obama: Now, uh… calm down, Rahm.
Rahm Emanuel: If I may, Mr. President: I sometimes think you’re too calm. You need to get angry!
President Barack Obama: Yeah, getting angry is your game, Rahm. Send them in.[ Emanuel opens the office door and lets the senators in ]
President Barack Obama: Senators! Thank you for coming in.[ the three senators sit perpendicular to Obama on a couch ]
Sen. John McCain: Thank you, Mr. President.
President Barack Obama: Now, uh — I brought you here because it’s important we get this… omnibus bill passed.
Sen. Tom Coburn: Yeah, but, With all due respect… we know it’s important, Mr. President. But we have to draw the line somewhere. I mean, we, we can’t let American drift into Socialism!
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Get angry!
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: And, uh — [ she laughs nervously ] not to get critical, but you have been President almost seven weeks. Isn’t it about time you fixed the economy? [ she chuckles ] [ eerie music plays, as Obama begins to blink his eyes rapidly ]
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] That’s it! Get angry!
Sen. John McCain: [ mockingly ] Mr. President, while the policies of the previous administration may have had somthing to do with this crisis… it’s YOUR responsibility now![ Obama rubs his temple in frustration ]
Rahm Emanuel: [ whispers ] Yes! Get mad! GET MAD!!
Sen. John McCain: And, my friend… I’m starting to think you may not be up to it![ Obama begins to shake violently ]
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Mr. President! Are you okay?!
Sen. Tom Coburn: Oh, my God! What happened?!
Rahm Emanuel: [ smugly ] What happened was… you made Barack Obama angry! And when you make Barack Obama angry, he turns into… The Rock Obama![ title card appears over Obama ]
Sen. Tom Coburn: The Rock Obama?
The Rock Obama: [ clears his throat ] Now, uh… don’t be alarmed. The Rock Obama, much like, uh… Barack Obama. Only stronger, and, uh… more impulsive. Now! Where were we? [ he points to the cowering Coburn ] Little man in suit.
Sen. Tom Coburn: [ nerves shattered ] Uh — uh — yes, well — uh — uh — I guess what I, what I was just saying was there is, you know, some special projects in this bill that just don’t… smell… right to me.
The Rock Obama: Hmm. Is interesting point, but, uh… me no like![ Obama springs to his feet and grabs Coburn by the scruff of his neck ]
Sen. Tom Coburn: Whoa-oa! What’s going on?![ Obama flings Coburn through the plate glass window ] [ Emanuel smiles enthusiastically ]
The Rock Obama: Okay! Up next. [ points to Hutchison ] Lady?
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ gasping for breath ] Sorry, I’m a little nervous.
The Rock Obama: [ grins sheepishly ] Don’t be nervous. Uhhh… just be nice.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Well, uh… well, I understand your desire to pass this bill — quickly.
The Rock Obama: [ bored, he stands ] Hmmmm… uh, up.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: Okay. [ she rises ]
The Rock Obama: Uh, turn.
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison: [ scared ] Yes. [ she turns, and he scoops her up in his arms ] Nooooo!!![ Obama drops her out of the window ]
Sen. John McCain: [ whispering ] Rahm! Do something!
Rahm Emanuel: It’s the first floor. Don’t worry about it.
The Rock Obama: Okay. Uh — old man? Uhhhhh — you go now![ suddenly, the phone rings. Obama picks up ]
The Rock Obama: Hello? — Ah huh? — AIG needs more money? — Ah ha. — Forty billion? — Ah ha. — Well, uh, you listen to this: [ he smashes the receiver into the phone, breaking it into thousands of pieces ] Now, uh — where were we?
Sen. John McCain: Uhhhh… [ chuckling nervously ] I was just saying that you’re not going to have… any… more problems from me!
The Rock Obama: Ahhh! Is good!
Sen. John McCain: Can I show myself out?
The Rock Obama: Yes! Out window!
Sen. John McCain: [ to Emanuel ] Is he joking?
Rahm Emanuel: Nope! See you later… my friend![ McCain sits on the ledge, then drops himself backwards through the window ] [ the image dissolves to reveal itself as a dream sequence ] [ Obama shakes Emanuel awake from the dream ]
President Barack Obama: Rahm? Rahm? Rahm! Rahm, wake up!
Rahm Emanuel: [ groggily ] Wha..?
President Barack Obama: You dozed off, Rahm.
Rahm Emanuel: Oh. Sorry, Mr. President. I was having the most wonderful dream!
President Barack Obama: Well, now it’s back to work. Who’s up next?
Rahm Emanuel: Senators McCain, Hutchinson, and Coburn. Will you please get angry?
President Barack Obama: Nope!
Rahm Emanuel: Please?
President Barack Obama: Nope!
Rahm Emanuel: Is this getting you angry?
President Barack Obama: Nope![ cut to exterior, White House front ] [ fade ]