SNL Transcripts: Tracy Morgan: 03/14/09: Family Flix

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 18

08r: Tracy Morgan / Kelly Clarkson

Family Flix

Host…..Kristen Wiig
Percy T. Douglas…..Tracy Morgan
Actor 1…..Andy Samberg
Actor 2…..Bobby Moynihan
Milkman…..Will Forte

[ open on talk show set ]

Host: Hello, welcome to “Family Flix”. I’m here with Percy T. Douglas, writer and director of “Rocket Dog”. A movie that sounds “Dog-gone” terrific!

Percy T. Douglas: [ he laughs uproariously for a few moments, then turns serious ] I like the kind of humor.

Host: Um — Percy, your movie tells the story of a young boy from a troubled home whose life changes when he and his dog find a jet pack in the attic.

Percy T. Douglas: It’s a movie for any kid who was ever told: “You’re not gonna find a jet pack!”

Host: Well, you brought a clip for us. Let’s take a look.

[ dissolve to clip: back yard scene ]

Actor 1: My stepdad said it was stupid for me to have dreams. But we showed him! We showed EVERYONE! You’re more than just a dog — you’re Rocket Dog!

[ sound effect: dog barking ]

[ music sweep, as Boy turns rocket on ]

Actor 1: Now, reach for the stars, girl! 3! 2! 1! Dogs away!

[ sound effect: rocket blasts off ]

[ cut to sky shot, rocket blasting through the air as “THE END” appears on screen ]

[ dissolve to image of the dog with SUPER: “In Memoriam” as Tom Cochran’s “Life is a Highway” plays ]

[ dissolve back to the talk shot set, Douglas cracking up laughing ]

Percy T. Douglas: Houston, we have a dog!!

Host: [ speechless ] O-okay. Uhhh — couple things. Uh, you chose to play a clip that was the ending of the movie…

Percy T. Douglas: [ pleased ] Yeah!

Host: Okay, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. Um — also, I noticed that the dog who played Rocket Dog passed away.

Percy T. Douglas: Y-yeah… y-you know, that was very sad. On a movie set, you become like a family. Then one day, you have to strap a rocket onto a member of your family, and set that thing on fire!

Host: [ speechless ] All right. Uhhh — well, here is another clip from “Rocket Dog”.

[ dissolve to clip: train passing along the tracks ]

[ dissolve to back yard scene ]

Actor 1: If we’re gonna make it to the rocket contest on time, w’ere gonna have to jump onto that moving train!

[ sound effect: dog barking ]

Actor 1: Yeah. I know it’s dangerous to fly full speed at a train. But if we believe in ourself, anything’s possible!

[ music sweep ]

Actor 1: Trains away!

[ they run off screen ]

[ dissolve to image of three different dogs, a cat, and the Actor with SUPER: “In Memoriam” as Tom Cochran’s “Life is a Highway” plays ]

[ dissolve back to the talk shot set, Douglas cracking up laughing ]

Percy T. Douglas: Houston, we have a dog!!

Host: [ stunned ] So… you put a second memoriam montage, in the middle of your movie?

Percy T. Douglas: Yeah! We put it there to honor all the Rocket Dogs it took to make that shot!

Host: How many dogs in total?

Percy T. Douglas: Pass! But I just want to say: those dogs had GREAT lives! They got to go to a movie set, watch these other dogs go first, get shot into a train…

Host: Okay. Um — where did you film this movie?

Percy T. Douglas: Thailand. I wanted a place that was heavy on dogs, and light on laws.

Host: I also noticed your main actor died.

Percy T. Douglas: Yes! [no further explanation ]

Host: Okay, um — would you like to set up your next clip?

Percy T. Douglas: Yes! This is a scene from “Rocket Dog”!

Host: Wow.

[ dissolve to clip: back yard scene with new actor ]

[ sound effect: dog barking ]

Actor 2: I’m telling you, girl — one of these days, we’re gonna find a way to just FLY away from here!

[ Milkman passes ]

Milkman: [ hands over a bottle of milk ] Here’s your milk.

Actor 2: Thanks. [ to Rocket Dog ] Hey, girl, know what? You’re my best friend!

[ dissolve to image of Milkman, second Actor, seven dogs, a man dressed in a dog costume, and Douglas with SUPER: “In Memoriam” as Tom Cochran’s “Life is a Highway” plays ]

[ dissolve back to the talk shot set ]

Host: [ speechless ] Sooo… everyone in that scene died?

Percy T. Douglas: Correct.

Host: I-I-I also couldn’t help but notice that you were listed as dead at the end of that clip.

Percy T. Douglas: Uh, yes. I had to fake my death in order to flee the country. I was under the flase impression that you could do anything you wanted in Thailand — you know, like the Chinese Atlantic City?

Host: [ stunned ] Your film is… thirty-eight minutes long? Uh, ten minutes of that is a close-up of a TV showing the movie “Braveheart”.

Percy T. Douglas: [ a beat ] Houston, we have a dog!!

Host: Okay, thank you, Percy, um — join us next week, when we’ll be talking to… [ reads her card and sighs ] Percy T. Douglas.

Percy T. Douglas: [ throws his arms up ] Yes!!

Host: Uh — about his new movie, “Scuba Pig”. Good night.

[ fade ]

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