SNL Transcripts: Seth Rogen: 04/04/09: An SNL Digital Short


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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 19

08s: Seth Rogen / Phoenix

An SNL Digital Short

President Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen

Interviewer: Mr. Samberg. Thanks for coming to your performance review.

Andy Samberg: No problem.

Interviewer: So you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?

Andy Samberg: Absolutely, I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Okay, so take us through a day in the life of the boss.

Andy Samberg: Well the first thing I do is…

[ singing ]

“Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct workflow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micromanage (like a boss)Promote Synergy (like a boss)
Hit on Debra (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Sallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)
Harrassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No promotion (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on Debra’s desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck man I can’t fucking do it… shit!
Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Debra’s desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude’s dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)
Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck its brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I’m dead (like a boss).”

Interviewer: Uh huh. So that’s an average day for you then?

Andy Samberg: No doubt.

Interviewer: You chop your balls off and die?

Andy Samberg: Hell yeah.

Interviewer: And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick.

Andy Samberg: Nope!

Interviewer: Actually I’m pretty sure you did.

Andy Samberg: Nah, that ain’t me.

Interviewer: Okay, well this has been eye opening for me.

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Yeah, no I got that. You said it about four-hundred times.

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Yeah yeah I got it!

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: No I heard you, see ya later.

Andy Samberg: LIKE A BOSS!

Submitted by: Jordan Anderson

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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