SNL Transcripts: Seth Rogen: 04/04/09: An SNL Digital Short

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 19

08s: Seth Rogen / Phoenix

An SNL Digital Short

President Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen

Interviewer: Mr. Samberg. Thanks for coming to your performance review.

Andy Samberg: No problem.

Interviewer: So you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?

Andy Samberg: Absolutely, I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Okay, so take us through a day in the life of the boss.

Andy Samberg: Well the first thing I do is…

[ singing ]

“Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct workflow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micromanage (like a boss)Promote Synergy (like a boss)
Hit on Debra (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Sallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)
Harrassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No promotion (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on Debra’s desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck man I can’t fucking do it… shit!
Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Debra’s desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude’s dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)
Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck its brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I’m dead (like a boss).”

Interviewer: Uh huh. So that’s an average day for you then?

Andy Samberg: No doubt.

Interviewer: You chop your balls off and die?

Andy Samberg: Hell yeah.

Interviewer: And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick.

Andy Samberg: Nope!

Interviewer: Actually I’m pretty sure you did.

Andy Samberg: Nah, that ain’t me.

Interviewer: Okay, well this has been eye opening for me.

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Yeah, no I got that. You said it about four-hundred times.

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: Yeah yeah I got it!

Andy Samberg: I’m the boss.

Interviewer: No I heard you, see ya later.

Andy Samberg: LIKE A BOSS!

Submitted by: Jordan Anderson

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