SNL Transcripts: Zac Efron: 04/11/09: Underage Drinking


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 20

08t: Zac Efron / Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Underage Drinking

Bartender…..Jason Sudeikis
Andy…..Andy Samberg
Zac…..Zac Efron
Waitress…..Casey Wilson
Bouncer…..Kenan Thompson
Officer Williams…..Bobby Moynihan
Eliot Spitzer…..Bill Hader

[ open on exterior, Jolly Trolley ] [ dissolve to interior, Andy and Zac seated at the bar ]

Bartender: Here you go, fellas… two PBRs. [ stops ] Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait… are you guys 21?

[ Andy and Zac look at one another with great worry, until the Bartender breaks the tension with a smile ]

Bartender: I’m just messin’ with you guys! [ he taps the counter and taps away ] [ Andy and Zac cltch their beers, then swivel their barstools with surprise in their eyes ]

Zac: Oh… my… God, man! I can’t believe it! We’re actually doing it! We’re in a bar!

Andy: [ sipping his beer ] My brother was right — they NEVER card here! It’s the BEST!

Amazing! We should get EVERYONE to come here after Prom!

Andy: Most definitely!

[ Andy continues to sip his beers, as Zac scans the room ]

Zac: Hey, that’s kinda weird.

Andy: Hmm? What?

Zac: That table over there —

[ cut to the table, where three grade-school kids sit with beer and toys in tow ]

Zac: Those kids look really young.

Andy: [ looking ] Yeah, I guess.

Zac: No, seriously. Look at that table over there.

[ cut to another table, populated by more grade-school kids ]

Andy: Oh, yeah… man… I guess they really don’t card here. [ he chuckles ]

Zac: This is insane. Those kids are… ten years old.

Andy: Dude! Relax! They’re just here to have a good time, like us.

[ suddenly, the three kids at the table drops a shot into their beer mugs and chug it down ] [ Andy smiles at this, as the Bartender reappears behind them ]

Bartender: Hey, here you go, gangstas. Here’s two shots of Tequila.

Andy: Oh… we didn’t order any shots.

Bartender: Uhhh, no — it’s from the, uh, ladies over there. [ he points ] [ cut to two grade-school girls smiling and waving at Andy and Zac ]

Andy: Dude! Ni-ice!

Zac: Oh, my God!

Andy: Thank you, ladies!

Bartender: Whoa! Careful, guys. They’re gerbils. [ Andy and Zac are confused ] Yeah, it’s the opposite of cougars. [ he steps away ]

Zac: Dude, uhhh… I think we should get out of here.

Andy: No, dude, it’s GREAT! I mean… the bouncer’s kind of a dick, but I think we should stay.

[ the Bouncer passes by, holding a newborn baby in his hands ]

Bouncer: Listen, man — I done told you several times! Can’t be starting fights in a bar! Ohhhh, don’t give me that look!

Zac: Okay… that’s it, man! I can’t take it, I’m leaving.

Andy: Fine. Gosh, you’re such a drag.

[ they put their beers down and head for the door, as Officer Williams enters ]

Officer Williams: Attention, everyone! I’m Officer Williams, and I need to see everyone’s I.D.! We have reason to suspect that this bar serves alcohol to minors!

Zac: Really? How ever did you get that idea?

Officer Williams: We have a man on the inside!

[ cut to a toddler holding up a badge ]

Officer Williams: Nice work, Detective!

[ suddenly, Eliot Spitzer enters and addresses the camera ]

Eliot Spitzer: Hello! I’m disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer. Underage drinking is a big problem. Maybe not as big as the Wall Street thing, but, come on! It’s something, right? [ he holds his smile ]

Announcer: [ over SUPER: ] Eliot Spitzer. Coming back… one issue at a time.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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