Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 20
High School Musical 4
Ms. Darbus…..Casey Wilson
Troy Bolton…..Zac Efron
Black Student…..Kenan Thompson
Girl Student…..Kristen Wiig
Boy Student…..Bobby Moynihan
Walt Disney…..Darrell Hammond
Narrator: We now return to the conclusion of HSM 4, New Senior Class!
Kelly & Tyler: [ singing ] “Now we’ve done everything that we set out to do.”
Tyler: I couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for you.
Kelly: You’re my best friend, from the start till the end
Both: And we made itttt *end song*
Tyler: East High forever!
Ms. Darbus: Thank you, Kelly and Tyler! There have been so many suprises today, but I am happy to say that there is one more. Please welcome to the stage East High’s favorite song. He graduated last year and now he’s back from his first year of college: Troy Bolton!
Kelly: Oh my god, Troy’s back!
All: [ singing ] Troy’s back! Troy is back, East High is suffering from a Troy attack!
Troy Bolton: Please stop. Stop the music. Uhh thank you. Hello. My name is Troy Bolton. One year ago, I stood in this very spot and said that East High was a place where Ms. Darbuss encouraged us to break the status quo. I told my class that we were all in this together, then music started, and I jumped off the stage to participate in a lengthy choreographed musical number with my classmates.
Black Student: That sounds awesome!
Troy Bolton: But, I’m not here to talk about last year, I’m here to talk about what happens after you leave East High.
Ms. Darbus: Do you think this is a good idea, Troy?
Troy Bolton: Back off!
Ms. Darbus: Ok.
Troy Bolton: Here’s the deal: noone sings at college!
All: What? Huh?
Troy Bolton: And from what I can tell, this is America’s only singing high school.
All: Wait, what? No no
Troy Bolton: I was as shocked as you are. Let me tell you how my first day went: I was nervous, but excited. So I started singing a song called “Nervous But Excited”. People just stared at me! There was zero choreography! ZERO!
Kelly: Then what happened?
Troy Bolton: Who are you talking to?
Troy Bolton: Word of advice: look at who you’re talking to. Once you leave this school, no one projects or cheats out. Another word of advice: if you’re sad at night, and you sing in your bed, people can hear you. Everyone can hear you!
Girl Student: So you’re just a regular student?
Troy Bolton: Ha, I wish. But guess what? I can’t be a regular student because I got a terrible education.
Boy Student: That’s not true!
Troy Bolton: No? What have you learned here?
Boy Student: I learned that I don’t have to play into stereo types that people have for me. I can be a jock and a dancer, and I can be proud of it!
All: Yeah! You tell him!
Troy Bolton: What’s the capital of Texas?
Boy Student: Uhh Texas City? Uhh
Girl Student: Texas Town.
Troy Bolton: I thought so. You’re not gonna believe how little you know.
Black Student: But at least you can fall back on basketball, right Troy?
Troy Bolton: No. I may have been good here but it’s become clear that East High plays in some sort of musical theatre league with a very low standard of competition.
Kelly: But if I know Troy Bolton you’re gonna turn it around, right?
Troy Bolton: Nope. I’m a year out of high school and my life’s over. I have no education. People think I’m weird. I don’t know how to express myself except in song. I have nowhere to turn.
Walt Disney: You could come back here.
Troy Bolton: Who are you?
Walt Disney: Walt Disney.
Troy Bolton: But I thought you were frozen.
Walt Disney: I recently thawed out.
Kelly: But how?
Walt Disney: Science says global warming, but I can’t help thinking it has something to do with Jews…
Troy Bolton: Can I really come back to East High?
Walt Disney: Troy, you should never have gone to college. Disney characters aren’t supposed to grow up. Just ask Mickey Mouse or Lindsay Lohan. That’s why I think you should return to High School Musical where you belong.
Troy Bolton: You mean it?
Walt Disney: I do.
Troy Bolton: *song* They say you can’t go home again, but here I am with all my friends.
Kelly: And we’re glad to have you back
Tyler: Yeah, we’re glad to have you back
All: This is a high school musical, and every day is magical. With you and me, and me and you…
Submitted by: Jordan Anderson