Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 20
Since You Went Away
[ open on interior, train station ] [ SUPER: “Connecticut, 1917” ] [ dissolve to train exterior, Emily holding her soldier boyfriend’s hand through the window before he departs ]
Emily: I can’t believe we met just two weeks ago, and now you’re going off to the front!
Francis: Don’t worry — I’ll be back before you can say “Coca-Cola.”
Emily: Okay! But promise me you’ll watch out for the Germans.
Francis: Oh, don’t worry about me; worry about the kaiser – he’s not going to know what hit him, babe.
Conductor: All abooooooaaaarrdd!![ train horn toots ]
Francis: Okay, Emily — goodbye![ the train begins to pull away, with Emily still clutching Francis’ hand and walking briskly beside the moving train ]
Emily: I don’t want you to leave!
Francis: Oh, don’t cry, my love! I love you!
Emily: I love you, too, Francis!
Francis: Goodbye, my darling!
Emily: Goodbye![ she lets go of his hand and falls back out of frame ]
Emily: Goodbye![ Francis stares inward as the train picks up speed ] [ suddenly, Emily appears running beside the train, holding out a handkerchief ]
Emily: I just wanted to give you my handkerchief, so you’ll never forget me!
Francis: Oh, thank you, darling! [ he takes the handkerchief ]
Emily: You’re welcome!
Emily: Francis! Do you miss me yet?
Francis: [ startled ] Y-yeah! Wait… how are you running so fast?
Emily: What do you mean?
Francis: I’m on a speeding train.
Emily: Well… I’m alway chasing the sheep around the barn. Maybe that’s how!
Francis: Oh. Okay. But we said goodbye, so… maybe you should go back to the farm.
Emily: I’d run all the way to Germany for you! [ she catches her breath several times ]
Francis: Aren’t you getting tired?
Emily: No! [ she smiles ] Not as long as I’m looking at you!
Francis: Well… I think you need to go home!
Emily: But I don’t want to say goodbye!
Mother: Emily! Emily! You forgot your bonnet! [ she hands it over ]
Emily: Oh, thanks!
Mother: I’m gonna run into town — I’ll see you later![ Emily’s Mother kisses her on the cheek, then runs up ahead of her. As she does so, the front of her apron flies up into her face. ] [ Emily puts her bonnet in her pocket, as she continues to run after the train ]
Francis: Was that your mother?
Emily: Yes! [ smiles mischieviously ] I guess you got a preview of me in twenty-five years!
Francis: Okay, you NEED to go home now!
Emily: You ARE my home! Whoo! [ she hops into the air ] Big old log!
Francis: Emily! You’re freaking me out a little bit!
Emily: I know! I have so much energy, and I only had a small breakfast! [ she huffs and puffs ]
Francis: What did you eat?
Emily: [ proudly ] Eighteen eggs an a gallon of buttermilk! [ she huffs and puffs ] But all this running is making me hungry![ the Soldier in the next window peeks at Emily from the next window ]
Soldier: [ to Francis ] Hey! Who’s that little ady running next to the train?
Emily: I’m the love of his life!
Francis: No, you’re not! We’re breaking up!
Francis: Because… I’m going to war, and… you’re really weird.
Emily: Fine! But you’re making a big mistake, Francis! I may not be your typical girly-girl… but, one day, you’re gonna wake up and —[ Emily falls out of frame with a splash ]
Francis: Oh, my God! She fell in that creek!
Soldier: Uh — no! No, no — hang on![ Emily runs back into frame, clutching a fish ]
Emily: I’m back! And I caught a fish!
Francis: Uh — don’t eat it!
Emily: I want to! For energy! [ Francis is stunned ] Did you miss me?
Francis: [ stunning himself now ] You know… strangely… I did.
Emily: [ excited ] Does that mean we’re engaged!
Emily: YAYYY!!! I’m gonna go tell Momma![ Emily clamps the fish between her teeth, then runs out of frame; Francis remains stunned, unsure of what has he gotten himself into ]
Soldier: [ smiling as he smokes his cigarette ] You’re never gonna get away from that one![ fade ]