Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 21
08u: Justin Timberlake / Ciara
The Barry Gibb Talk Show
Barry Gibb…..Jimmy Fallon
Robin Gibb…..Justin Timberlake
Nancy Pelosi…..Kristen Wiig
Nouriel Roubini…..Fred Armisen
Roland S. Martin…..Kenan Thompson
[FADE IN: Barry and Robin Gibb dancing in white leisure suits, backs to the audience, in front of a talk show set as the opening notes of “Nights on Broadway” play.]
Announcer: It’s The Barry Gibb Talk Show!
[The logo appears briefly, and then the brothers turn around and sing, Barry strumming a white electric guitar.]
Barry and Robin Gibb: “Heeeeeere we are…”
Announcer: Tonight, Barry’s guests are:
Barry and Robin Gibb: “In a room full of straaaaaaangers…”
Announcer: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi!
Barry and Robin Gibb: “Discussin’ politics…”
Announcer: CNN commentator Roland S. Martin!
Barry and Robin Gibb: “And the issues of the daaaaaaaa-ayyyyy…”
Announcer: NYU economics professor…
Barry and Robin Gibb: “And I want to taaaaaaaalk to you…”
Announcer: Nouriel Roubini!
Barry and Robin Gibb: “Though you may not waaaaaaant me to…”
Announcer: And as always:
Barry and Robin Gibb: “I’m still gonna taaaaaaaalk to you…”
Announcer: Barry’s brother Robin!
Barry and Robin Gibb: “I don’t care what you saaaaaaaaaaaaay…”
[Barry slips off his guitar, and the brothers start disco dancing.]
Barry and Robin Gibb: “Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Sho-ow,
Talkin’ ’bout issues,
Talkin’ ’bout real important issues.
Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Sho-ow,
Checkin’ out politics,
In this crazy, crazy tow-ow-ow-own!
Yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah…”
[The Gibbs boogie to their seats.]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your host: Barry Gibb!
[“Nights on Broadway” fades out as the audience cheers.]
Barry Gibb: [staccato voice] Goo’ e’ning, la’ies and gentlemen. We’ve got a great show for you tonight. It’s my show, and it’s a no-nonsense show. I will not take any crap from anybody. Let’s get down to business.This week, Fed chairman Benjamin Bernanke said that the (falsetto) U.S. ECONOMAH (normal voice) will pick up later this year. Robin, do you have any thoughts?
Robin Gibb: [disinterestedly] No, no I don’t.
Barry Gibb: Nancy Pelosi, do you agree with chairman Bernanke’s rosy assessment of our (falsetto) FINANCIAL FUT-AH?
Nancy Pelosi: I do, Barry, but it’s also important that we discover the causes of our current situation, and the first step is the formation of an impartial investigatory committee.
Barry Gibb: (as Robin bows his head in disappointment) A committee?! That’s your answer to the worst financial disaster since the Great Depression?! Are you out of your mother-loving, dope-smoking (falsetto) HIPPIE MI-I-IND?!
Nancy Pelosi: No, I-
Barry Gibb: (screaming) DON’T YOU DARE CONTRADICT ME ON MY SHOW! YOU HEAR ME BUG-EYES? (Barry leaps wildly out of his seat) I’M BARRY F-ING GIBB! (karate kicks the air to his right four times, then returns to his chair)
Barry and Robin Gibb: (singing and punctuating each word with a karate kick) HIII-YA! HIII-YA! (turn to each other) HI-YA!
Barry Gibb: Nouriel Roubini, you were one of the first people to predict this (falestto) CURRENT ECONOMIC CRISIS. (normal voice) I think that you’re a visionary genius.
Nouriel Roubini: Well, I don’t know about that.
Barry Gibb: Well, I do, and I think that you’re a genius.
Nouriel Roubini: Genius might be a little much.
Barry Gibb: Are you correcting me? On my own show?! You think I’m a child? Am I a baby with a pacifier in my mouth?
Barry and Robin Gibb: (harmonizing) GOO-GOO! GA-GA! GOO-GOO! WAA-WAA!
Barry Gibb: I have an opinion that’s IMPORTANT! I don’t know what passes for manners up in that faculty club with your framed degrees and (falsetto) LEATHER ELBOW PATCHES!
Nouriel Roubini: No, no, I didn’t mean to say
Barry Gibb: (screaming) I GOT A DEGREE FROM THE STREETS OF MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA! SO HELP ME GOD I HAVE A BUCKKNIFE IN MY SHOE I WILL SPLIT YOU OPEN LIKE A SOFT-SHELL CRAB AND WEAR YOUR CARCASS LIKE A RAINCOAT!
Barry and Robin Gibb: (harmonizing) WEAR YOUR CARCASS LIKE A RAINCOAT!
Barry Gibb: Robin, do you have anything to add?
Robin Gibb: No, no I don’t.
Barry Gibb: Robin, please, just say something.
Robin Gibb: No.
Barry Gibb: Anything.
Robin Gibb: No.
Barry Gibb: Pretend no one’s here, no one’s watching.
Robin Gibb: No.
Barry Gibb: Robin, talk to your brother.
Robin Gibb: No.
Barry Gibb: (gets on his knees in the chair to be closer to Robin) Talk to Barry. (starts singing)
Ple-e-e-ease talk to your brother
And say what you want to say.
(Timberlake bows his head in an attempt to hide his laughter as the audience cheers)
Barry Gibb: Let’s introduce the next guest’s name.
Robin Gibb: Fine.
Barry and Robin Gibb: (harmonizing) Ro-o-oland S. Martin…CNN political consultant.
Roland S. Martin: Well, thank you, Barry and Robin. I want to say this is my favorite political forum on television, that is, of course, next to the program I am currently hosting, CNN’s “No Bias, No Bull.”
Barry Gibb: (exasperated) Did-did you just plug your show?
Robin Gibb: Don’t.
Barry Gibb: On MY show?
Robin Gibb: Don’t.
Barry Gibb: Robin, did he just plug his show?! On my-WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE, AN INFOMERCIAL? WHAT AM I, THE (falsetto) SHAMWOW GUY? (normal screaming voice) DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, PALLY?! (rises from chair) I SANG A DUET WITH BARBRA STREISAND! DO YOU KNOW THAT I AM AUSTRALIAN! MY MIDDLE NAME IS CROMPTON! I AM BARRY GIBB! I WILL RIP OUT YOUR INNARDS AND DOUBLE DUTCH JUMP ROPE WITH THEM! (starts singing and clapping rhythmically) DOUBLE DUTCH JUMP ROPE WITH YOUR INNARDS…
(audience begins clapping along)
Barry and Robin Gibb: (harmonizing) DOUBLE DUTCH JUMP ROPE WITH YOUR INNARDS…
(The Gibbs continue singing that phrase as they get up from their seats and pretend to double dutch jump rope in front of the table on set, with Robin then Barry leaping through the imaginary jump ropes. Finally, after singing “Double Dutch…” five more times, the brothers close with…)
Barry and Robin Gibb: (harmonizing) DOUBLE DUTCH!
DOUBLE DUTCH!
DOUBLE DUTCH!
DOUBLE DUTCH!
(The brothers return to their seats to wild cheers and applause. Barry demonstrates a karate block while seated.)
Barry Gibb: That’s all the time we have. [sings] “We… have… been–”
Barry and Robin Gibb: [harmonizing to the tune of “Nights on Broadway,” slightly before the beat]
Talkin’ it up,
[Timberlake and Fallon realize their mistake and quickly get back in sync with the background music]
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Shoo-ow,
Talkin’ ’bout chest hair
[audience member “woo!”s]
Talkin’ ’bout crazy cool medallions!
Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Shoo-ow,
Checkin’ out politics,
In this crazy, crazy tow-ow-own!
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…
[the brothers continue mugging for the camera to thunderous cheers and applause]
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