SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 05/09/09: Immigrants


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 34: Episode 21

08u: Justin Timberlake / Ciara


Immigrant #1…..Bobby Moynihan
Immigrant #2…..Casey Wilson
Immigrant #3…..Will Forte
Immigrant #4…..Bill Hader
Cornelius Timberlake…..Justin Timberlake
Moyshe Samberg…..Andy Samberg

[ Open on black and white footage of a boat sailing next to Ellis Island words at bottom of screen read “New York Harbor, 1883” ]

Immigrant #1: [with Irish accent] Oh look, Ellis Island! The new world is upon us! I can smell it in me nose!

Immigrant #2: Just think of it, a chance to start a new life for our children.

Immigrant #3: And our children’s children.

Immigrant #4: Why, someday I hope that me own great, great grandson might own his own land.

Immigrant #2: I hope my great, great grandson will be a doctor.

Immigrant #1: What about you, Cornelius Timberlake? What do you think your great, great grandson will be like?

Cornelius Timberlake: Well, I know he’ll be very handsome. And he’ll be a millionaire.

Immigrant #1: A millionaire? From fur trapping?

Immigrant #4: From coal?

Cornelius: No, from popular songs.

Immigrant #3: What sort of songs could make a man millions?

Cornelius: Oh I don’t know. Something like [singing] “cry me a river.”

Immigrant #3: So… he’ll be a girl?

Cornelius: NO, that’s a perfectly normal way for a man to sing! He’ll be world famous by the age of 16.

Immigrant #2: Oh, by 16? How?

Cornelius: At a young age, he’ll go to work with a band of boys.

Immigrant #4: Like a sweatshop?

Cornelius: Sort of. Sort of like a sweatshop. Then I imagine he’ll branch out on his own. Growing more and more handsome every day. He’ll strut about in tiny vests, thin ties, and outdated hats.

Immigrant #2: Oh that will look dreadful!

Cornelius: No, on him it will work!

Immigrant #4: That will probably frustrate huggar maiden.

Cornelius: Aye. T’will. I actually dream of a day when my great, great grandson will… bring sexy back.

Immigrant #1: Bring-bring sexy back, what does that mean?

Cornelius: It’ll be gone and he’ll bring it back!

Immigrant #3: Where did it go?

Cornelius: Just trust me, people will be on board. Okay?

Immigrant #2: Well it sounds like he’ll have his pick of the ladies.

Cornelius: Aye. Indeed. I’d like to think that at first, he’ll date a popular female singer. Publicly, they claim to be virgins but, privately, he hit it.

[audience screams with laughter as Justin glances around, raises his eyebrows, closes his eyes and shakes his head]

Then-then, he’ll make love with women so beautiful and so often, that it won’t be enough for him, and he’ll, I don’t know maybe try some stuff with guys. I mean he’ll be straight! But, uh, well, never mind, forget that part, everything else will come true but forget that part. His life is going to be a nonstop orgy of fame and money. He’ll sing! He’ll dance! He’ll act! He’ll even make surprise appearances on a Saturday night comedy show! There will be great excitement. And then he’ll appear. Again and again. Many times a year.

Immigrant #1: Won’t that lessen the excitement, though?

Cornelius: Nooo!!!! No!! Right? It’ll be good, right?

[a Jewish-looking man walks in]

Moyshe Samberg: [with Jewish accent] Ohhhh, it will be good!

[audience cheers]

Cornelius: Who are you?

Moyshe Samberg: My name is Moyshe Samberg. Your prediction has inspired me. Maybe someday my great, great grandson will also make songs.

Immigrant #2: Well, do you think he’ll have a beautiful voice?

Moyshe Samberg: Ehhh, he’ll have a voice! A fine, workable voice, you know? It’ll be more about charisma with him. And maybe, in this new land of opportunity, our grandsons will collaborate.

Cornelius: You know what Jew?

Moyshe Samberg: THERE IT IS!

Cornelius: You’re all right.

Immigrant #1: To the new world!

[everyone cheers and raises their fists] [fade out]

Submitted by: Katie

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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7 months ago

this was and is one of the great and very funny snl skits good sir, the timing of the jokes, the snl crew, and that one guy, what was his name? oh, Cornelius Timberlake the 1st … anyways shout out to you for keeping it real funny, P.S. can you believe i just saw this episode a few months ago for the 1st time, crazy, i know… sorry for my english, it’s not my 1st language, but i trying… PEACE & MUCH LUV, Numai bine, pace si prosperitate!!! ~ E-1/ION ~