Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 34: Episode 21
Justin Timberlake’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Justin Timberlake!
Justin Timberlake: Thank you, thank you. It is great to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. I can’t believe..I can’t believe I’m hosting for the third time because… The first time that I hosted, the whole thing was a blur —
Girl in Audience: I love you!
Justin Timberlake: I love you too. [ he continues ] I was terrified, it was quite awry, could not believe that it occurred. But now I’m back in Old 8H on familiar ground. Gonna make myself comfortable [sits in guys lap. This is awkward. (to guy: Say hi to America. Guy: Hello, America) ’cause I think I know my way around. I love this place!
Jason Sudeikis: Hey, Justin!Justin Timberlake: Hey, Jason. How are your parents, Dan and Cathy?
Jason Sudeikis: Oh, they’re good.
Justin Timberlake: Wasn’t it their anniversary yesterday?
Jason Sudeikis: Oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot. But, they loved your flowers and note.
Justin Timberlake: Great! Well, it’s the least I could do. Good people!
Jason Sudeikis: Yeah, they are.
Justin Timberlake: I know my lines, I hit my marks, I got my blocking down. Tonight I will get the drill, I think I know my way around. Anything I can help with?
Bill Hader: I’m trying to explain to him [Chinese food delivery guy] that I can’t have anything with peanut sauce.
Justin Timberlake: Oh, let me help. (Justin says something to the delivery guy in Chinese. The guy responds in Chinese…they go back and forth for 5 seconds or so and they laugh at Justin’s joke). [To Bill] He says there’s no peanut sauce and then I made a dirty joke.
Bill Hader: Oh, thanks Justin.
Justin Timberlake: Yeah. [ to the camera ] Yes, I’m back at SNL in my favorite town. When I can lend a hand [scribbles “I think I know my way around” on cue card].. I think I know my way around.
Guy: You’re the man, Justin.Justin Timberlake: Hey man. I think I’m getting the hang of it thanks to this great cast. They’re sweet, they’re kind, they’re generous, and their talent kicks ass.
Kristen Wiig: I was supposed to look real sexy, but this dress does not feel right.
Justin Timberlake: May I make a small adjustment? [rips off some of Kristen’s dress] Now you’re ready for tonight.
Kristen Wiig: I lied. I lied about the looking sexy thing. I just wanted him to do that.
Fred Armisen: Yeah, no need to explain.
Casey Wilson: Yeah, got it.
Justin Timberlake: Since my last time, I traveled the world; I’ve grown leaps and bounds. But now I’m back where I belong, I think I know my way around.[sits down with Lorne Michaels drinking wine and watching TV]
Justin Timberlake: It’s uh..It’s Justin.
Lorne Michaels: [nods] Justin.
Justin Timberlake: Third time here hosting, third time is a charm. Number three, you’d agree, put my all into it you can see. ‘Cause I practiced the fact is, this season’s fantastic, I’ve watched every host whether home or the road. From Affleck to Phelps, Franco to Rogen, Malkovich, Laurie, our friend Tracy Morgan. Rudd, Bradley Cooper and Neil Patrick Harris, McGraw, Zac Efron, the cute Anna Faris. Brolin, Hamm, Rosario Dawson, Baldwin, Martin, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson! Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey, but now I’m here and I gotta say…….We’ve got a great show tonight. Ciara is here. So stick around, we’ll be right back.
Submitted by: Jordan Anderson