SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 05/09/09: An SNL Digital Short

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 21

08u: Justin Timberlake / Ciara

An SNL Digital Short

…..Andy Samberg
…..Justin Timberlake
…..Patricia Clarkson
…..Susan Sarandon

[ SUPER: “5 MONTHS LATER” ]

[ the “Dick in a Box” singers exit the Brooklyn Detention Center carrying their boxes, which they toss into a trash can ]

[ they begin to sing ]

Andy: Oh, dang.

Justin: What is it, dawg?

Andy: I forgot it’s Mother’s Day

Justin: Didn’t get a gift for her

Andy:
Other plans got in the way
She’ll be so disappointed

Justin: Damn, I forgot it too

Andy: This could have been avoided

Both: What the hell are we gonna do?

Justin:
My mom’s been so forlorn
Ever since my daddy left

Andy: Cold

Justin:
No one to hold her tight
Life has put her to the test

Andy:
I know just what you mean
My mom’s been so sad and gray

Justin: Word

Andy: My dad can’t satisfy her in the bedroom ever since he passed away

Both: Hold up

Andy: You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

Justin: I’m thinkin’ I’m thinkin’ too

Both: Slow up

Andy: What time is it, dawg?

Justin: It’s time for a switcheroo

Both:
We both love our moms, women with grown-women needs
I say we break ‘em off
Show ‘em how much they really mean
‘Cause I’m a motherlover
You’re a motherlover
We should f— each other’s mothers

Justin:
F— each other’s moms
You’ve seen that place that you came out as a baby
Ain’t no doubt that sh– is crazy
F— each other’s moms

Both:
‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a mother’s night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you, ’cause I can’t do it myself
To me you’re like a brother, so be my motherlover

Andy:
I’m layin’ in the cut, waitin’ for your mom
Clutchin’ on this lube and roses

Justin:
I got my digital camera
I’m gonna make your mama do a million poses

Andy: They will be so surprised

Justin: We are so cool and thoughtful

Andy: Can’t wait to pork your mom

Justin: I’m gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle

Both: Sho ’nuff

Justin: My mother loves bubble bath with chamomile

Both: Straight up

Andy: Give it to my mom d-d-d-d-d-d-d—y-style

Both:
This the perfect plan
For a perfect Mother’s Day
They’ll have to rename this one
All Up Under the Covers Day
‘Cause I’m a motherlover
You’re a motherlover
We should f— each other’s mothers
Justin: F— each other’s moms
I’ll push in that place
Where you came out as a baby
Ain’t no doubt that sh– is crazy
F— each other’s moms

Andy:
Break it down
It would be my honor to be your new stepfather

Justin: It would be my honor to be your new stepfather

Andy:
I’ll let you do my mother
Make me another brother
And I’m gonna do your mother
I’ll never use a rubber

Justin:
Oh!
‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a mother’s night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you, ’cause I can’t do it myself
To me you’re like a brother, so be my motherlover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world, so I’mma sex her right
This is the second-best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my motherlover.

Submitted by: Jordan Anderson

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