Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 1]]>
Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
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September 26th, 2009
Megan Fox
U2
None
Brian Austin Green
John Lutz
Emily Spivey United Nations General Assembly
Summary: Moammar Gadhafi (Fred Armisen) addresses the United Nations General Assembly to give excuses for his earlier speech.
Transcript
Montage
Megan Fox’s MonologueSummary: Megan Fox comments on the obviously fake online nude photos of herself that she was unaware she had posed for.
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BladdivanSummary: The pill that helps men combat Shy Bladder Syndrome.
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Flight AttendantsSummary: Flight attendants (Kristen Wiig, Megan Fox) are unnaturally upbeat and bubbly while announcing devastating news from the cabin.
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Russian BridesSummary: Mr. Colon (Will Forte) can’t decide whether to choose attractive Russian bride (Megan Fox) or hulky, mannish Russian bride (Fred Armisen) with lesser qualities for ten dollars cheaper.
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An SNL Digital ShortSummary: A socially-awkward man (Will Forte) impresses Megan Fox on a date, but rejects her anyway.
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Grady Wilson’s Burning up the BedsheetsSummary: Grady Wilson (Kenan Thompson) demonstrates sex techniques to help burn up the bedsheets.
Recurring Characters: Grady Wilson.
U2 performs “Breathe”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Jean K. Jean (Kenan Thompson) jokes about the G20 Summit. Travel writer Judy Grimes (Kristen Wiig) speeds through her commentary and presents a hand-drawn chart.
Recurring Characters: Jean K. Jean, Judy Grimes.
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Live LoungeSummary: Crystal (Megan Fox) touts the Live Lounge phone-chat line and the throng of other weirdo social types who use it.
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U2 performs “Moment of Surrender”
Biker Chick ChatSummary: Dawn (Jenny Slate) hosts a freakin’ talk show for freakin’ biker chicks.
Note: Jenny Slate accidentally says “fuckin'” in her sketch debut.
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An SNL Digital ShortSummary: When he comes over to her apartment for a movie date, Andy Samberg meets “Megan’s Roommate”, the bitterly jealous Optimus Prime (Bobby Moynihan).
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Your Mom Talks to Megan Fox While You Get ReadySummary: Megan Fox chats with her friend’s mom (Kristen Wiig) over laundry.
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Goodnights / U2 performs “Ultraviolet (Light My Way)”Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Mostly GarbageSummary: In these hard, economic times, dog lover (Jason Sudeikis) sets his priorities straight by serving bagged garbage to his canine pal.
Note: This filmed parody will appear in next week’s episode hosted by Ryan Reynolds.
Last RitesSummary: Dying man’s (Bill Hader) body makes funny noises after he passes.
Crotch RocketsSummary: Actress (Megan Fox) keeps slapping co-star (Andy Samberg) during a scene.