Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 1
Testimonial #1…..Bill Hader
Testimonial #2…..Jason Sudeikis
[ open on men’s room, businessmen scattering about the urinals ] [ Employee stands before a urinal trying to pee in solace, as his co-worker steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder ]
Co-worker: Hey, buddy! I need to get those sales numbers from you.
Announcer: Are you one of the tens of thousands of men who suffer from Shy Bladder Syndrome?[ Employee nods ]
Announcer: Well, what do you have to be afraid of? Ask your doctor if Bladdivan is right for you.
Testimonial #1: My bladder was so shy that I had to hide in the janitor’s closet with an empty bottle every time I needed to make “water”! Thanks to Bladdivan… [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] I’m peeing right now!
Announcer: Bladdivan is a combination of several drugs, a powerful diaretic, coupled with a cocktail of anti-anxiety medications.[ dissolve to Testimonial #2 ]
Testimonial #2: Oh, sure, I’ve heard about the side effects. But, for me, it’s worth it. Before I — [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] Oh! Oh! Oh! [ he chuckles ] I just peed! And I do not care! [ he chuckles ] Still going… and we’re done — no! [ sound effect stops ] Now![ show footage of Testimonial #2 spraying his wife and kids with a Super soaker squirt gun ]
Announcer: So, go ahead — urinate on your terms. Common side effects associated with Bladdivan include: Peeing yourself… and Peeing yourself and not really caring that you just peed yourself.[ cut back to co-workers walking down the hall, stopping in front of the men’s room ]
Announcer: So say goodbye to chrnoic Shy Bladder Syndrome — with Bladdivan.[ Co-worker stops in front an the one empty urinal in the crowded men’s room ] [ Employee enters, sees no available slots, but winks at the camera before squeezing in next to ?? ]
Employee: Now, uh — about those figures..?
Co-worker: [ glances downward ] Very impressive![ they laugh and turn to smile into the camera ] [ cut to product slide ]
Announcer: Don’t be shy. Ask your doctor about Bladdivan today.[ fade ]