SNL Transcripts: Megan Fox: 09/26/09: Bladdivan

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 1










09a: Megan Fox / U2

Bladdivan

Employee…..Fred Armisen
Co-worker…..Will Forte
Testimonial #1…..Bill Hader
Testimonial #2…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on men’s room, businessmen scattering about the urinals ] [ Employee stands before a urinal trying to pee in solace, as his co-worker steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder ]

Co-worker: Hey, buddy! I need to get those sales numbers from you.

Announcer: Are you one of the tens of thousands of men who suffer from Shy Bladder Syndrome?

[ Employee nods ]

Announcer: Well, what do you have to be afraid of? Ask your doctor if Bladdivan is right for you.

[ reveal product slide ] [ dissolve to Testimonial #1 ]

Testimonial #1: My bladder was so shy that I had to hide in the janitor’s closet with an empty bottle every time I needed to make “water”! Thanks to Bladdivan… [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] I’m peeing right now!

Announcer: Bladdivan is a combination of several drugs, a powerful diaretic, coupled with a cocktail of anti-anxiety medications.

[ dissolve to Testimonial #2 ]

Testimonial #2: Oh, sure, I’ve heard about the side effects. But, for me, it’s worth it. Before I — [ cue sprinkling sound effect ] Oh! Oh! Oh! [ he chuckles ] I just peed! And I do not care! [ he chuckles ] Still going… and we’re done — no! [ sound effect stops ] Now!

[ show footage of Testimonial #2 spraying his wife and kids with a Super soaker squirt gun ]

Announcer: So, go ahead — urinate on your terms. Common side effects associated with Bladdivan include: Peeing yourself… and Peeing yourself and not really caring that you just peed yourself.

[ cut back to co-workers walking down the hall, stopping in front of the men’s room ]

Announcer: So say goodbye to chrnoic Shy Bladder Syndrome — with Bladdivan.

[ Co-worker stops in front an the one empty urinal in the crowded men’s room ] [ Employee enters, sees no available slots, but winks at the camera before squeezing in next to ?? ]

Employee: Now, uh — about those figures..?

Co-worker: [ glances downward ] Very impressive!

[ they laugh and turn to smile into the camera ] [ cut to product slide ]

Announcer: Don’t be shy. Ask your doctor about Bladdivan today.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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