SNL Transcripts: Megan Fox: 09/26/09: Live Lounge


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 1

09a: Megan Fox / U2

Live Lounge

Crystal…..Megan Fox
Singles…..Nasim Pedrad, Jason Sudeikis, Jenny Slate,
Bobby Moynihan, Abby Elliott, Fred Armisen,
Emily Spivey, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Will Forte

[ open on sexy girl, Crystal, leaning across lips-shaped couch laughing on the telephone ]

Crystal: Ha ha! That was good flirting! [ she holds the phone down and addresses the camera in a vapid manner ] Hi. I’m Crystal. Despite my name and appearance, we mean for this commercial to take place in 2009. Why go out, when you can join the best party in town — right from your own bedroom. If you like to laugh, flirt, or maybe more: call live lounge. You’ll be connected instatly to thousands of local singles:

[ cut to each weird singles pesonality type ]

* people who like excitement.

* people who like fun.

* people who are waiting to chat with you.

[ return to Crystal on the couch ]

Crystal: But that’s not all. If you call live lounge, you’ll also meet:

[ cut to each weird singles pesonality type ]

* people who are masturbating.

* people with extreme social disorders.

* foreign men who don’t understand how America works.

* groups of laughing teenage boys at sleepovers.

* women who want to be murdered.

* murderers.

* people who have been awake for so long they no longer have boundaries.

* wives who found this number on their husband’s phone bill.

* people who do that belt-choke sex thing.

* and David Duchovny.

[ return to Crystal on the couch ]

Crystal: So call now, and you’ll be connected to ALL these great people. Who knows, maybe you’ll even hear from me.

[ she returns the phone to her ear ]

Announcer: [ quickly ] You will not hear from her!

[ SUPER: “live lounge: 1-800-555-0199” ]

Announcer: [ with text scroll ] “Live Lounge is free for a fraction of a second and then becomes very expensive.”

Announcer: [ with text scroll ] “Live Lounge will be a recurring charge on your credit card. If you try to cancel Live Lounge, we will tell people you use Live Lounge.”

Announcer: [ with quick text scroll ] “Live Lounge is owned by the Russian Mafia.”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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