SNL Transcripts: Megan Fox: 09/26/09: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 1

09a: Megan Fox / U2

An SNL Digital Short

Man….Will Forte
Woman….Megan Fox

[Opens with a shot of the city at night. Romantic piano plays. Cut to an elegant balcony/restaurant. A man and an extremely beautiful woman share a romantic dinner together]

Woman: So, you’re having a good time?

Man: [extremely shy] Yeah.

Woman: Wow, you have a really nice smile. You’re teeth are like…perfect.

Man: [shy, almost childlike] I’m gonna tell my dentist you said that. He’s really self-conscious and that’s gonna make him feel really good. You make me feel really good.

Woman: Well, the feeling’s mutual. Because you are making me feel real good right now too.

Man: I’m so glad.

Woman: So how long have you been a Swat Team Commander?

Man: A long time.

Woman: So how did you get outta work?

Man: I didn’t. I’m supposed to be in a drug bust and I bailed on it.

Woman: Oh, my God! Are you gonna get in trouble?

Man: I don’t care. Cause I like you.

Woman: I like you too.

Man: [softly] Yeah.

Woman: So, when you’re not doing Swat things, what other things do you like to do?

Man: I raise lambs.

Woman: You raise lambs?!

Man: I do. I raise lambs. I have a little pasture and I bottle feed them. And once they get to a certain age I, for a lack of a better term, slaughter them. And then sell their meats to restaurants and jerky distributors.

Woman: It must be really hard for you.

Man: [voice cracking, almost crying] It’s really hard. I love my lambs. I love them so much and it’s hard.

Woman: [touched] Sorry.

Man: [disturbingly sad] I have this nightmares. And then I wake up drenched in sweat. And then I got to go into work at Command Swat.

Woman: You are so brave. And I am so grateful that I have known you. And you will never, ever gonna be alone again.

Man: Are you asking me to marry you?

Woman:[loving smile] I think that I am. Yeah.

[Man tenderly touches her cheek]

Man: No f…in’ way.

[Man gets up and leaves the beautiful woman alone at the table] [screen goes black] [cheers and applause]

Submitted by: waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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