SNL Transcripts: Megan Fox: 09/26/09: An SNL Digital Short

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 1

09a: Megan Fox / U2

An SNL Digital Short

…..Megan Fox
…..Andy Samberg
Optimus Prime…..Bobby Moynihan
Bumblebee…..Brian Austin Green

FADE IN:

INT. MEGAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

[ Megan comes in the door with groceries. Andy’s behind her with a DVD. ]

Megan Fox: I’m really excited its Movie Night!

Andy Samberg: Yeah! I’m finally glad we’re doing it.

Megan Fox: Um, I hope you don’t mind, but I asked my roommate if he wanted to watch with us. Is that okay?

Andy Samberg: Yeah! Sure!

Megan Fox: Okay.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

[ An overweight man in a bathrobe wearing an Optimus Prime mask from “Transformers” rests on the couch. ]

Megan Fox: Hello, Optimus!

[ MUSIC: DRAMATIC ]

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Megan — I’m pleased you have returned! Who is your friend?

Megan Fox: Andy — this is Optimus; Optimus — this is Andy.

Andy Samberg: Uh, hi…

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Hello Andy!

Megan Fox: I’m going to put the groceries away.

[ Megan heads to the kitchen. ]

[ MUSIC: DRAMATIC ]

Optimus Prime: Megan — Godspeed on your journey to the kitchen.

[ Andy seats himself next to Optimus. ]

Andy Samberg: So…

[ Optimus turns to Andy. ]

Optimus Prime: [as Bobby Moynihan] Dude, you seriously need to get the fuck out of here!

Andy Samberg: What?

Optimus Prime: [asBobby Moynihan] You gotta go bro — you gotta get outta of here, man!

Andy Samberg: I’m sorry?

[ Megan has two glasses of fruit punch in her hands. ]

Megan Fox: I hope juice is okay for everybody because that’s all I have.

[ MUSIC: DRAMATIC ]

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Megan, juice sounds like a wise choice. For no one will be thirsty tonight.

Megan Fox: Thanks! I’m so excited to see this movie!

Andy Samberg: Yeah… me too. Hey Megan, can I talk to you for a second?

Megan Fox: Yeah — I’m going to go get the popcorn first.

[ Megan returns to the kitchen. ]

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Megan — the state of the planet — [as Bobby Moynihan] Seriously dude, I will fuck you up! You need to bounce now!!

Andy Samberg: Are you serious!?

[ Megan re-enters holding two bowls of popcorn and places them on the coffee table. ]

Megan Fox: Popcorn!

Andy Samberg: Megan, can I seriously ask you something near the kitchen?

Megan Fox: Yeah…

[ Megan and Andy go near the kitchen. ]

Andy Samberg: What is the deal with your roommate!?

Megan Fox: What do you mean? Optimus?

Andy Samberg: Yeah. Does he wear the mask all the time?

Megan Fox: He’s Optimus Prime… We met on the “Transformers” set.

[ Megan and Andy glance over at “Optimus” pulling up his mask to munch on the popcorn. ]

Andy Samberg: He’s eating popcorn!

Megan Fox: Andy, he’s my roommate. Don’t be jealous, okay?

Andy Samberg: Okay?

[ Megan and Andy head back but are shocked to see “Optimus” exposing himself on the couch slouched. ]

Megan Fox: Optimus, it happened again — you “transformed”.

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Oh! I transformed without realizing! I guess I’ll “transform” back!

[ “Optimus” stands up, mimicking bolts ans gears operating with his mouth, pulls up his boxer shorts, and closes his bathrobe.]

Andy Samberg: What!?

[ A man in a “Bumblebee” mask wielding a knife storms in. ]

Bumblebee: Hands in the air! This is a robbery.

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Bumblebee! What are you doing!?

Bumblebee: Sorry old friend. Now hand over your energon cubes!

Megan Fox: Don’t do it, Optimus!

Andy Samberg: Omigod.

Optimus Prime: [cheerful robot] Step aside, Megan — I’ll take care of this.

[ Andy throws his arms up in the air and sighs but follows Megan and stepsaside. The two “Autobots” come face to face. ]

Optimus Prime: TRANSFORM!!

[ SFX: AUTOBOTS INTO FULL BATTLE MODE ]

[ The two twirl around one another and contort their bodies in variousways. Megan and Andy stare in amazement. Camera pans back to show theAutobots face to face, dropping the lower half of their clothing to exposetheir penises. ]

[ TITLE CARD: TRANSFORMERS ]

[ MUSIC: “TRANSFORMERS” ANIMATED THEME SONG ]

[ Andy turns to the camera and laughs. ]

[ SUPER: ANDY SAMBERG ]

[ Megan turns to the camera and does a “fist cheer”. ]

[ SUPER: MEGAN FOX ]

[ “Optimus” waves goodbye. ]

[ SUPER: OPTIMUS PRIME ]

[ “Bumblebee” rips of his mask to REVEAL Brian Austin Green. Brian flashesa grin and gives a thumbs up. ]

[ SUPER: BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN AS BUMBLEBEE ]

Submitted by: Cody Downs

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