Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 2
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
October 3rd, 2009
Ryan Reynolds
Lady Gaga
None
Elijah Wood
Scarlett Johansson
Madonna
Darrell Hammond
Lorne Michaels
Bryan Tucker
A Message From the President of the United States
Summary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) admits that he hasn’t accomplished a damn thing since taking office in January.
Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.
Transcript
Montage
Ryan Reynolds’ Monologue
Summary: Ryan Reynolds outlines the difference between a superhero movie and a romantic comedy.
Transcript
Mostly Garbage
Summary: In these hard, economic times, dog lover (Jason Sudeikis) sets his priorities straight by serving bagged garbage to his canine pal.
Note: This filmed parody was cut from last week’s dress rehearsal.
Transcript
Family Feud
Summary: In an old episode of “Family Feud” on GSN, the Osmond Family competes against the Phillips Family, with John (Bill Hader) and MacKenzie (Kristen Wiig) trying to keep their incestuous relationship a secret from Richard Dawson (Jason Sudeikis).
Recurring Characters: Richard Dawson, Donny Osmond, Marie Osmond.
Transcript
An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg raps about throwing various objects “On The Ground”.
Transcript
Porcelain Fountains
Summary: Buy a porcelain fountain from Mike (Fred Armisen) to add that extra touch of class to your mundane daily activities.
Recurring Characters: Mike, Lexie.
Transcript
Deep House Dish
Summary: DJ Dynasty Handbag (Kenan Thompson) continues to dish on the club music scene with co-host T’Shane (Andy Samberg), featuring Lady Gaga and Madonna performing together for the first time.
Recurring Characters: DJ Dynasty Handbag, T’Shane.
Transcript
Lady Gaga performs “Paparazzi”
Lyrics
Weekend Update with Seth Meyers
Summary: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Darrell Hammond) comments on Roman Polanski. Charles Barkley comments on the 60th anniversary of Red China. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Fred Armisen) sits idly by as his wife (Nasim Pedrad) rambles on and on about the excitement of being in New York and being married to a pussy dictator.
Recurring Characters: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charles Barkley, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
So You Committed A Crime… And You Think You Can Dance?
Summary: A group of convicted criminals (Will Forte, Fred Armisen, Kenan Thompson) are paired off with dancers (Kristin Wiig, Nasim Pedrad, Jenny Slate) and a good time is had by all.
Recurring Characters: Kevin Federline, Nathan Lane, Nancy Grace, Phil Spector.
Transcript
International Masterworks
Summary: Norwegian actors perform a scene from an American cop drama without losing their thick accents.
Transcript
Lady Gaga performs “Lovegame/Poker Face”
Fashion
Summary: Ready to go to the afterparty, Andy Samberg is embarrassed to discover that he’s dressed in the same set of clear balloons as Lady Gaga.
Transcript
Goodnights
Transcript
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Blenda-Fresh 25Summary: Salesman’s (Ryan Reynolds) pitch for a new blenders faces constant interruptions.
Go AheadSummary: After breaking up with his girlfriend, a man (Ryan Reynolds) seeks moral support from an easily-distracted friend (Jason Sudeikis).
American Eagle FoundationSummary: A man pretending to be Reba McEntire (Kenan Thompson) ries to participate in a PSA for American eagles.
Kick ItSummary: Would-be karaoke singer (Ryan Reynolds) messes up the lyrics during his turn on stage.
