Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 2
INT. STUDIO 8H BACKSTAGE
LADY GAGA, wearing an extravagant outfit of clear balloons, reads a copyof Rolling Stone with her on the cover, leaning against a desk. A STUDIOPAGE is seated right behind her.
Lady Gaga: Cute.
ANDY SAMBERG, strolls in, wearing a similar outfit made of balloons. Heapproaches the page.
Andy Samberg: Hey Fred, did that fruit come in?
Page: Yeah, Ill go get it.
The page departs. Andy exhales as he saunters over to Gaga. He scans her outfit.
Andy Samberg: Oh no.
Both view their outfits.
Lady Gaga: No way.
Andy Samberg: This is weird.
Lady Gaga: I cant believe it! I spent $20,000 on this dress.
Andy Samberg: Yeah! And I made this out of garbage.
Both nervously laugh
Andy Samberg: Well, I guess Ill go change.
Lady Gaga: No, wait. Andy, I think it looks really great good on you.
Andy Samberg: Really?
Lady Gaga: Really.
Andy Samberg: I guess great minds do think alike.
Both turn and face the ground. ROMANTIC MUSIC cues in. A lighted backdropof red stars forms behind both of them.
Lady Gaga: Kiss me, Andy.
Both plunge towards one another to lock lips. The outer mass of theballoons prevents them from kissing. Both struggle to meet at the lips.Both pull back.
Andy Samberg: We cant do this.
Lady Gaga: Why? Are you married?
Andy Samberg: No. I mean I cant do this. I physically cant reach you.
Lady Gaga: Prove it.
Both launch onto each other, still unable able to kiss. They struggle fora moment or two, and then pull back.
Andy Samberg: Damn it, Gaga! Just marry me.
Lady Gaga: Fine. Under one condition
Andy Samberg: Anything.
Lady Gaga: I want a divorce.
Andy Samberg: You cagey son-of-a-bitch!
Gaga gasps and slaps Andy. Both try to make out, but fail.
The CAMERA PANS over to KRISTEN WIIG and LORNE MICHAELS watching the events unfold.
Kristen Wiig: I guess I got to find something else to wear to the party.
Lorne Michaels: Yeah me too.
Kristen and Lorne glance onto Lornes necktie. Its covered in miniatureclear balloons.
Submitted by: Cody Downs