SNL Transcripts: Ryan Reynolds: 10/03/09: Mostly Garbage


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 2

09b: Ryan Reynolds / Lady Gaga

Mostly Garbage

Spokesman…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on footage of Spokesman enojying quality time spent with his dog ]

Spokesman V/O: You love your dog. And you cherish every moment you spend together — every fetch, every walk, every snuggle.

[ cut to Spokesman shopping for dog food ]

Spokesman V/O: But, hey — you’ve got bills to pay! That’s why, when you’re in the pet food aisle, you reach for Mostly Garbage brand dog food. Because your dog isn’t a person; he’s an animal.

[ cut to Spokesman in the kitchen with his dog ]

Spokesman: And in these tough economic times, you’ve gotta keep your priorities straight.

[ Spokesman pours the garbage-cluttered dog food into his dog’s bowl ]

Spokesman V/O: Mostly Garbage is cheaper than other dog foods. [ Spokesman turns his nose at the smell ] So you can save your money for human things, like heat for your house, or food for your children.

[ cut to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: So, what does Mostly Garbage taste like? I don’t know. I’ve never tried it. It’s dog food.

[ cut to close-up of Spokesman pouring the dog food into a bowl, as scraps, pieces of plastic wrap, and a banana peel spill out ]

Spokesman V/O: So, how healthy is Mostly Garbage? Well, it’s fortified with 8 essential vitamins, including Riboflavin. But, you know, there’s also a lot of garbage in there. Long story short: It’s healthy enough for a dog.

[ cut to the dog eating from the bowl of garbage ]

Spokesman V/O: You know, I’ve seen this little guy eat pure garbage?

[ cut to Spokesman addressing the camera ]

Spokesman: Heck! This morning, he ate CAT POOP! Right out of the litter box! I was like, “Should I stop this?” But, you know, he seemed to be having a fun time!

So why don’t you choose Mostly Garbage? Because he’s a dog…

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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