SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 10/10/09: Cooking Al Fresco


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 3

09c: Drew Barrymore / Regina Spektor

Cooking Al Fresco

Phil O’Brien…..Andy Samberg
Fran Jones…..Drew BarrymoreMbr>Guy Fieri…..Bobby Moynihan

[ open on rooftop setting of cooking show ]

Phil O’Brien: Hello, and welcome to the very first episode of “Cooking Al Fresco”. I’m Phil O’Brien.

Fran Jones: And I’m Fran Jones. And we’re coming to you, live, from the roof of the Hammershill Building in beautiful New York City! I think I can see Connecticut from here!

[ they laugh hysterically ]

Phil O’Brien: GREAT joke, Fran! So, for those of you who don’t know: “Al Fresco” is Italian for “in the fresh air.”

Fran Jones: And that’s where we’ll be doing all of our cooking! So move over, birds! ‘Cause it’s OUR roof now!

Phil O’Brien: [ laughing ] 2 for 2 on the jokes! Well, we’ve got a GREAT show for you today! Joining us in a bit, from the Food Network: Guy Fieri!

[ cut to Guy Fieri, chuckling wildly as he holds an entire piineapple-ham in his hands ]

Guy Fieri: Today, we’re talking HAM HOCKS!! So get ready to ROCK OUT… with your HOCK OUT!! [ he laughs maniacally ] FULL THROTTLE!!! [ he then begins to chew on the ham ] [ return to Phil and Fran ]

Fran Jones: Great! But, first, we’re gonna kick things off with a classic: Chicken Parmegean.

Phil O’Brien: Mmm! Tell us more, Fran.

Fran Jones: Well, fresh chicken is very important, but the REAL secret is in the bread crumbs!

Phil O’Brien: That’s right! So we’ve got TONS of day-old bread here. We’re just gonna put this down and really get into it. So, we —

[ suddenly, a flock of birds descends onto the set to collect the exposed bread crumbs ] [ Phil and Fran screanm, then attempt to offer the bread crumbs to the attacking birds ] [ cut to “Be Right Back” slide ] [ return to Phil and Fran sans birds, but still catching their breath after the attack ]

Phil O’Brien: Okay!

Fran Jones: A lot of excitement here on the first day!

Phil O’Brien: Oh, yeah… the kids’ll like that on the You Tube!

[ they laugh ]

Fran Jones: You Tube!

Phil O’Brien: Is everybody okay? Guy Fieri, you okay?

[ cut to Guy Fieri holding a hot dog ]

Guy Fieri: Looks like THIS show… is FOR THE BIRDS!! [ he laughs maniacally ] Relax, the two of you’s! I’m just messin’ with you! HOT DOG!! [ he shoves the full hot dog into his face ] [ return to Phil and Fran ]

Phil O’Brien: [ laughing ] Oh, Guy! Well, hopefully, those birds have filled up on the bread, alright? So let’s skip the bread crumbs for now, and move onto something a little safer: marianara sauce.

Fran Jones: Good idea! [ she grabs a bottle ] Mmm, marinara sauce. Now, a lot of the jars that marinara sauce comes in —

[ as she pops the lid, the birds once again descend upon the set ]

Phil O’Brien: Oh, my God!! They did not fill up on bread!! What are they doing?!

Fran Jones: They’re dipping the bread in the sauce!!

Phil O’Brien: They’re dipping the bread in the sauce!!

[ cut to close-up of the birds dipping bread in the sauce with their long, outstretched claws ]

Phil O’Brien: Aghh, they love it!! Aghhh!!

[ cut to “Be Right Back” slide ] [ return to Phil and Fran sans birds, hair askew ]

Phil O’Brien: Okay…

Fran Jones: They’re gone!

Phil O’Brien: You know what? no more food until we figure this out, alright? Let’s just move on to our guest.

Fran Jones: That’s good… You still there, Guy?

[ cut to Guy Fieri, visible wires attached to his backside ]

Guy Fieri: I sure am, you two-lios! We’re gonna do this… CAJUN-STYLE!!

[ Guy Fieri places a straw hat on his head ] [ suddenly, the birds descend upon Guy Fieri, who begins trying to punch the birds off of him ] [ return to Phil and Fran ]

Fran Jones: The birds have got Guy Fieri!

Phil O’Brien: They saw his hat!! They must think he’s a scarecrow!! Guy!! Get out of there, Guy!!

[ cut back to Guy Fieri, as the wires begin to lift him off the ground to make it look like the birds are carrying him away ] [ cut to “Be Right Back” slide ] [ return to Phil and Fran sans birds, near paralyzed ]

Fran Jones: To anyone who is listening… the birds have taken Guy Fieri…

Phil O’Brien: Call the National Guard… Guy Fieri is missing.

[ no he’s not — his clothed skeleton drops onto the set ]

Phil O’Brien: Never mind.

[ cut to title card ]

Announcer: Join us next week on “Cooking Al Fresco”, when we will be… cancelled!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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