Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 2
09c: Drew Barrymore / Regina Spektor
La Revista della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
Vinny Vedecci….Bill Hader
….Drew Barrymore
Show’s director….Fred Armisen
Assistant….Will Forte
Vinny’s Son….Bobby Moynihan
Caption: RAI
Announcer: [speaks Italian] …La Rivista della Televisione e con Vinny Vedecci.
[Cut to montage of American celebrities Don Johnson, Alf, Brian Austin Green intercut with Vinny in his white suit handsomely posing, throwing his jacket over his shoulder, in a heated debate and finally posing with a lit cigarette and winks at the camera]Vinny Vedecci V/O: Ragazze, regazze a tempo de ver La Rivista della Televisione con mio Vinny Vedecci!!
Vinny Vedecci: Bisiando, bisiando, bisiando! On doro Vinny Vedecci, o serebando, la noche del mundo. Eh, caseando eto italiano “50 First Dates”, “Music and Lyrics”, “Driving in the car with the boys” Prego andeago, Drew Barrymore! Drew Barrymore! [Actress/director Drew Barrymore walks in, sits down] Buona sera, Drew Barrymore!. No sera cara faciole, tu sero cara cinema americano—
Drew Barrymore: One second. I don’t mean to interrupt you but I don’t speak Italian. I’m sorry.
Vinny Vedecci: [angry Vinny turns to his director who is smoking and eating pasta, his assistant eats his pasta too like nothing is happening] Carabando! Sarabando! Carevireati!
Show’s director: Ah que diche dera bouca hecha dia! Vincenzo, tropo per favore! Eh?!
Vinny Vedecci:[to Drew] Sorry.
Drew Barrymore: No, I mean, I’m the one who’s embarrassed. I’m sure this has never happened before.
Vinny Vedecci: Yes. First time. So, when you were seven years old you starred in the classic movie, Et?
Drew Barrymore: What? What movie?
Vinny Vedecci: Et? Et, phone home?
Drew Barrymore: Oh, ok. Actually it’s “E.T”.
Vinny Vedecci: Oh, it’s “E.T.”?
Drew Barrymore: Yes.
Show’s director: Scusi’, Et, “E.T”, Et, “E.T.” Dichi cinema!
Vinny Vedecci: Eh! Detovito! Et? Duh?! So, you been in showbiz a long time, eh?
Drew Barrymore: My whole life.
Vinny Vedecci: And after “E.T” you do drinking and drugs!
Drew Barrymore: Yes, I did. And I did other things too, and it was a rough time when I was younger—
Vinny Vedecci: My son also likes to drink. Where is my bambino? Bambino!
[Vinny’s son comes out with his sailor suit on drinking wine straight from the bottle]Vinny’s son: Oh, papa! Papa! [kisses Vinny on the head, drinks]
Drew Barrymore: You know what? I have to say, I’m a little worried. Your son might be too young to drink.
[Vinny’s son gets angry at Drew]Vinny’s son
Vinny Vedecci: Oh! [blows kisses to his son] My little boy. Speaking of your breasts….you showed them once to David Letterman. Yes?
Drew Barrymore: Yes.
Vinny Vedecci: On a talk show…..with a desk?
Drew Barrymore: Yes.
[Vinny clears the table]Vinny Vedecci:[sleaze oozing] This is a talk show, this is a desk.
Drew Barrymore: Maybe later.
Vinny Vedecci: Eeeeeh. I hear David Letterman apologized because he had affairs with some staff members. So, I want to make apology to the women on my staff who I slept with over the years. In the interest of time, I apologize to this women.
[87 Italian women’s names run up the screen fast]Drew Barrymore: Wow. You had sex with all those women?
Vinny Vedecci: Si.
Drew Barrymore: And you’re married?
Vinny Vedecci: Si, si. I want to especially apologize to my dear wife and mother of my child. [Vinny shows a wedding photo with his fat Italian wife, Vinny looks miserable on the photo] Here she is. [Vinny looks disgusted by the photo and puts it away] So, eh, eh, what do you want to talk about?
Drew Barrymore: Well, I just directed a movie.
Vinny Vedecci: You directed a movie?
Drew Barrymore: I did. It was so empowering as a woman and it meant a lot to me to make a family-themed movie about strong women.
Vinny Vedecci: We have a great female director in Italy. Very respected. Georgina Desperote!
Drew Barrymore: Oh, I didn’t know her work.
Vinny Vedecci: Oh, we have a picture of her. A picture.[close-up on big breasts] Yeah, she’s very good. Very good. What is your movie called?
Drew Barrymore: It’s called “Whip It”.
Vinny Vedecci: “Whip it”?!
Drew Barrymore: Oh, you know it?!
Vinny Vedecci: Know it? I love it!
Drew Barrymore: Oh, it’s so great when you get to talk to somebody who understands the type of film that you went on to make. I mean, it’s so gratifying—-
[Vinny starts singing Devo’s hit “Whip it”]Vinny Vedecci: Dadadadada, crack that whip! Dadadadada, give the past a slip! Heh, heh, heh.
Drew Barrymore: Um, ok. I think there has been another in a series of miscommunications. Um, I—
Vinny Vedecci:[continues singing] When a problem comes along—
Show’s director: You must whip it!
Vinny Vedecci: Before the cream sits out too long—
Show’s director: You must whip it!
Vinny Vedecci: When something is going wrong, take it Drew!
[Vinny and the director wait for Drew’s line anxiously]Drew Barrymore: [gives up] You must whip it!
Vinny Vedecci: Hey! Everybody whip it! That’s the show! Good night!
[Vinny’s son comes out] [Show’s logo] [cheers and applause] [fade]Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
