SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 10/10/09: La Revista della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 2

09c: Drew Barrymore / Regina Spektor

La Revista della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci

Vinny Vedecci….Bill Hader
….Drew Barrymore
Show’s director….Fred Armisen
Assistant….Will Forte
Vinny’s Son….Bobby Moynihan

Caption: RAI

Announcer: [speaks Italian] …La Rivista della Televisione e con Vinny Vedecci.

[Cut to montage of American celebrities Don Johnson, Alf, Brian Austin Green intercut with Vinny in his white suit handsomely posing, throwing his jacket over his shoulder, in a heated debate and finally posing with a lit cigarette and winks at the camera]

Vinny Vedecci V/O: Ragazze, regazze a tempo de ver La Rivista della Televisione con mio Vinny Vedecci!!

[Vinny is sitting at a table smoking and having a great time. An ashtray is in front of him overflowing with smoking cigarettes.]

Vinny Vedecci: Bisiando, bisiando, bisiando! On doro Vinny Vedecci, o serebando, la noche del mundo. Eh, caseando eto italiano “50 First Dates”, “Music and Lyrics”, “Driving in the car with the boys” Prego andeago, Drew Barrymore! Drew Barrymore! [Actress/director Drew Barrymore walks in, sits down] Buona sera, Drew Barrymore!. No sera cara faciole, tu sero cara cinema americano—

Drew Barrymore: One second. I don’t mean to interrupt you but I don’t speak Italian. I’m sorry.

Vinny Vedecci: [angry Vinny turns to his director who is smoking and eating pasta, his assistant eats his pasta too like nothing is happening] Carabando! Sarabando! Carevireati!

Show’s director: Ah que diche dera bouca hecha dia! Vincenzo, tropo per favore! Eh?!

Vinny Vedecci:[to Drew] Sorry.

Drew Barrymore: No, I mean, I’m the one who’s embarrassed. I’m sure this has never happened before.

[Vinny looks at the camera for a second, the director and assistant also look]

Vinny Vedecci: Yes. First time. So, when you were seven years old you starred in the classic movie, Et?

Drew Barrymore: What? What movie?

Vinny Vedecci: Et? Et, phone home?

Drew Barrymore: Oh, ok. Actually it’s “E.T”.

Vinny Vedecci: Oh, it’s “E.T.”?

Drew Barrymore: Yes.

[More angry arguing in Italian with the show’s director]

Show’s director: Scusi’, Et, “E.T”, Et, “E.T.” Dichi cinema!

Vinny Vedecci: Eh! Detovito! Et? Duh?! So, you been in showbiz a long time, eh?

Drew Barrymore: My whole life.

Vinny Vedecci: And after “E.T” you do drinking and drugs!

Drew Barrymore: Yes, I did. And I did other things too, and it was a rough time when I was younger—

Vinny Vedecci: My son also likes to drink. Where is my bambino? Bambino!

[Vinny’s son comes out with his sailor suit on drinking wine straight from the bottle]

Vinny’s son: Oh, papa! Papa! [kisses Vinny on the head, drinks]

Drew Barrymore: You know what? I have to say, I’m a little worried. Your son might be too young to drink.

[Vinny’s son gets angry at Drew]

Vinny’s son
Vinny Vedecci: Oh! [blows kisses to his son] My little boy. Speaking of your breasts….you showed them once to David Letterman. Yes?

Drew Barrymore: Yes.

Vinny Vedecci: On a talk show…..with a desk?

Drew Barrymore: Yes.

[Vinny clears the table]

Vinny Vedecci:[sleaze oozing] This is a talk show, this is a desk.

Drew Barrymore: Maybe later.

Vinny Vedecci: Eeeeeh. I hear David Letterman apologized because he had affairs with some staff members. So, I want to make apology to the women on my staff who I slept with over the years. In the interest of time, I apologize to this women.

[87 Italian women’s names run up the screen fast]

Drew Barrymore: Wow. You had sex with all those women?

Vinny Vedecci: Si.

Drew Barrymore: And you’re married?

Vinny Vedecci: Si, si. I want to especially apologize to my dear wife and mother of my child. [Vinny shows a wedding photo with his fat Italian wife, Vinny looks miserable on the photo] Here she is. [Vinny looks disgusted by the photo and puts it away] So, eh, eh, what do you want to talk about?

Drew Barrymore: Well, I just directed a movie.

Vinny Vedecci: You directed a movie?

Drew Barrymore: I did. It was so empowering as a woman and it meant a lot to me to make a family-themed movie about strong women.

Vinny Vedecci: We have a great female director in Italy. Very respected. Georgina Desperote!

Drew Barrymore: Oh, I didn’t know her work.

Vinny Vedecci: Oh, we have a picture of her. A picture.[close-up on big breasts] Yeah, she’s very good. Very good. What is your movie called?

Drew Barrymore: It’s called “Whip It”.

Vinny Vedecci: “Whip it”?!

Drew Barrymore: Oh, you know it?!

Vinny Vedecci: Know it? I love it!

Drew Barrymore: Oh, it’s so great when you get to talk to somebody who understands the type of film that you went on to make. I mean, it’s so gratifying—-

[Vinny starts singing Devo’s hit “Whip it”]

Vinny Vedecci: Dadadadada, crack that whip! Dadadadada, give the past a slip! Heh, heh, heh.

Drew Barrymore: Um, ok. I think there has been another in a series of miscommunications. Um, I—

Vinny Vedecci:[continues singing] When a problem comes along—

Show’s director: You must whip it!

Vinny Vedecci: Before the cream sits out too long—

Show’s director: You must whip it!

Vinny Vedecci: When something is going wrong, take it Drew!

[Vinny and the director wait for Drew’s line anxiously]

Drew Barrymore: [gives up] You must whip it!

Vinny Vedecci: Hey! Everybody whip it! That’s the show! Good night!

[Vinny’s son comes out] [Show’s logo] [cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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