SNL Transcripts: Taylor Swift: 11/07/09

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 5


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:

November 7th, 2009

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift

None

Amy Poehler

None

End of An EraSummary: Greta Van Susteren (Kristen Wiig) and other FOX News correspondents discuss the end of President Barack Obama’s era following the ’09 Special Election.

Recurring Characters: Karl Rove, Brit Hume, Glenn Beck.

Transcript

Montage

Taylor Swift’s MonologueSummary: Taylor Swift sings a song about the topics she won’t be bringing up in her monologue.

Transcript

Carter N’ Sons BBQSummary: In a commercial filmed years earlier, Ronnie Carter (Bobby Moynihan) and his clan promote Swine Fever with their all you can eat pork special.

Transcript

The ViewSummary: The insipidly gabby talk show hostesses welcome Kate Gosselin (Taylor Swift) and Nicholas Cage (Andy Samberg).

Recurring Characters: Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Teen vampires and other monsters of the night run amok in the trailer for “firelight”.

Hollywood DishSummary: Entertainment hosts Ray Trunk (Bill Hader) and Anastasia Sticks (Kristen Wiig) feign interest while interviewing Taylor Swift.

Teens Raising Awareness About Awful Parent DriversSummary: Teenager Samantha Samuels (Taylor Swift) rallies against thoughtless parental driving habits in response to driving while texting complaints.

Transcript

Taylor Swift performs “You Belong With Me”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Once again, Nicholas Fehn (Fred Armisen) can’t stay focused on whatever comical point he’s trying to make. Sarah McLachlan (Abby Elliott) purports to discuss Lilith Fair, but instead annoys Seth Meyers with dying dog ads. Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler ask “Really!?!” in response to Goldman Sachs’ hording of the swine flu vaccine despite massive shortages.

Recurring Characters: Nicholas Fehn.

PenelopeSummary: Penelope (Kristen Wiig) one-ups the happy couple (Bill Hader, Abby Elliott) at their wedding reception, irking guest June (Taylor Swift).

Recurring Characters: Penelope.

Transcript

Scared StraightSummary: Lorenzo McIntosh (Kenan Thompson) and Skeet Devlin (Taylor Swift) try to scare a trio of rowdy teenagers with prison experiences lifted out of popular movies.

Recurring Characters: Lorenzo McIntosh, Officer Sikorsky.

RoomiesSummary: Bennett (Andy Samberg) wants time alone with Lexie (Nasim Pedrad), but she’s more attached to her roommate Anna (Taylor Swift).

Transcript

Taylor Swift performs “Untouchable”

Bunny BusinessSummary: Assorted musical acts perform various tracks from the soundtrack to “Bunny Business”.

Recurring Characters: Natalie Merchant, Eddie Vedder, Christina Aguilera.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) waits for the red light that will signal an incoming job opportunity for the American public.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

Note: This sketch served as the cold opening during dress rehearsal.

Scrapyard GangSummary: A football coach (Jason Sudeikis) panics when his female player (Taylor Swift) dies in the middle of the game.

Potato Chip ThiefSummary: Mr. Aymong (Jason Sudeikis) applies for a job as a NASA scientist, but blows his chances when he swipes one of Mr. Greenblatt’s (Will Forte) 35 potato chips and lies about it.

Note: This sketch will air during the episode hosted by Blake Lively a month later.

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